Ball and Chain in Place? Good. Now You Can Play.

Childhood should be a time to play in freedom and joy;

When my oldest children started school in the mid to late eighty's, they played marbles, bounced tennis balls off the school wall and could bring real baseballs and basketballs to school.

In short, they played like children have played for generations. By the time they were in grade eight, (our country school went from kindergarten to grade eight), marbles and real balls for recess time. Why? They were too dangerous!

My oldest daughter drew a picture entitled "Recess at St. Mike's" that shows a girl, standing frozen in place, with a ball and chain around her ankle. Quite revealing, isn't it?

When I was a child, we hopped on bikes without helmets, only wore sunscreen at the beach and ate peanut butter sandwiches. I understand that the world has changed but along with new, necessary safety measures this generation has put into place, society has burdened children with fear.

Childhood is a time to play in freedom and joy, freedom to lose themselves in the sheer joy of the present moment, without nagging regret about the past or fear of the future. My family was and is fortunate to live in the country, where my children roamed safely, caught frogs, built forts, explored a creek and created wonderful imaginative games.

One example stands out in my mind. I had gathered everyone for dinner but we were waiting for Anthony. Someone spotted him out the window and called the rest of us over to see him. There was Anthony on the platform of our large wooden play structure, wearing his usual uniform consisting of a black cape, black barn boots and grey felt hat, engaged in a fierce sword fight with an imaginary enemy. Suddenly he clutched his chest and staggered over to lean on the railing. Then rallying his draining energy and stamina, he suddenly rose up and with a courageous flourish thrust his sword into his evil opponent and collapsed in exhaustion and agony.

We were all delighted with his imaginary drama.

Children need free, unstructured time to let their imaginations fly.
This can only happen if we refuse to allow our own fears to burden our children and if we give them the time and space to simply be children.

The House That Kids Built

Picture This scene.

Five year old Anthony is leaping off the fourth stair wearing his black cape, a purple Batman sweatshirt and his 'Mountie' hat. Three year old Lucy carries a huge, old purse stuffed with cut pieces of paper and fake money and she is trailing behind seven year old Katie who is trying to make a scrapbook.

Rachel is in the same living room playing "Magic School Bus" on the computer and Emily is upstairs changing her clothes again. Dave and Matt are building a lego plane across the hall in the family room but eighteen year old Matt is the brains behind the construction.

Mara is on the phone and Melissa is listening to music that is way too loud while leaning over the upstairs railing and complaining about life.

Michael is tending the animals.

 And me?

Why I am putting in the fourth load of laundry that day and planning a folding marathon where I sort laundry and literally toss each kid their own clothes to fold

Guess what?

 I learned to be happy in the chaos. I don't have a living room , I have work and play areas. A table in the living room is covered in a 1,000 piece puzzle that people stop to work on on for a few minutes and the coffee table is Katie's craft station.

 There are goldfish on my too small counter, a huge dog who trips anyone walking through the main door and a cat who thinks she owns the most comfortable chair in the house. I warn you, do not try to move the queen! Sometimes a caged hamster or guinea pig squeaks for attention EVERY time the fridge door opens!

My kitchen walls, fridge and cupboards are covered with all kinds of art and scribble art and I have too many indoor plants.

One day my father-in-law tripped over our dog (who did not move, by the way) and he gruffly asked me,

"What is that dog doing in the house? He should live outside."

I laughed and said,

"Welcome to OUR home. We love kids, animals, plants and even y. Just come on in!"

A child is like a magnifying glass

The phone, which was on the kitchen wall, rang after school. Surprisingly, it was for eight year old Melissa, our second child.

My kids didn't actually start a social life after school for another couple of years but this was a crisis.

Angela, the reigning, self proclaimed princess of the grade two class at St. Thomas, had treated poor Audrey terribly all day and she was crying over the phone.

Melissa was sympathetic but did not indulge Audrey's self-pity. She caught Audrey's attention and then said, quite firmly,
"Audrey, how Angela treated you today has NOTHING to do with you; Angela was having a bad day and she took it out on you!


Melissa's wisdom astonished me. I couldn't remember explaining this human tendency to her; she must have learned this information just by being part of our family.

Children learn not by just words and actions but by osmosis. The atmosphere or the "vibe" that fills our homes forms our children, be it loving and accepting or critical and condemning.

A child is like a magnifying glass pointing out our faults, good points and even our unconscious through their words and actions.