A Real Life Joke

.My maiden name is Myers. 

Question: How many Myers Women does it take to drive a car in my mum’s retirement town?

Answer: Three

"Three?", you gasp, "But how is that possible!"

Ah, well, quite possible when all three women either refuse to drive, are reluctant drivers or simply cannot drive a car at all. This is not some anti-female slur. I am simply relaying the facts.

The most important person in this triad was my sister, Elizabeth, the chauffeur by default, driving the intimidatingly large, luxury machine. Incidentally, the car's owner was bed-ridden, suffering more over concern for his beloved vehicle than over any leg pain following major surgery.

Clutching the wheel, Elizabeth drove in circles in the parking lot until she could find a spot where she could drive straight through to the next row because she refused to back out when she left. Also, she could not seem to turn right into a narrow spot, reasoning that it was much simpler when she turned left; she was least able to see directly out her side window without relying on mirrors.

However the situation which caused most anxiety was the fact that Elizabeth was not familiar with my parent's small retirement town in the midst of the Rocky Mountains. She constantly asked,

"But, Mum, I need the street name where I need to turn or at least an idea of how far up this main highway I have to go."

The second most important person was my eighty- one year old mother who was not exactly sure how to answer that crucial question.

"Well, let's see. When I walk there, I cut across the back parking lot, kitty-corner, walk for about thirty minutes, turning right and then left on a side street and there it is!"

"But Mum, is it east or west?"

"Well, I turn right at first, so..um.. the street is east of here, I think. Yes, east, I am sure of it."

"Okay. Now, do you at least remember the first letter of the street name?"

However, my mother was suddenly distracted, since her main concern was watching for on coming traffic or indeed any vehicle within blocks of us,

"Elizabeth, watch out! A car is coming!"

"Mum. Focus. Please. Is it beside any large stores like The Bay?"

" I'm not sure."

"Okay. Try to remember the first letter of the street name."

Now this was where I came into play as I perched on the edge of the back seat with a map, calling out suggestions,

"Perhaps it is Lancaster Avenue. Does that sound familiar, mum?"

Then I started to laugh, long and hard because this really could be a scene in a poorly written situation comedy. However this was real life and that transformed this ludicrous scene into a situation that seemed even more hilarious.

When Elizabeth started to chuckle as well, we pulled over and stopped the car. Swallowing our mirth, the three of us studied the map till my mother's memory seemed to click back into place. We set out once again, a bit more confident of success this time

Advocating For Large Families

A prompt on a health website asked,

“Are you an advocate for any cause?”

I sputtered to my self,

 “I am not an advocate for anything or anybody!”

Immediately after that statement, a new idea popped into my mind,

“Hey, wait a minute. I stand up for large families in modern society!”

In my experience as a mother of nine children, I have met more condemnation than acceptance and more questions that understanding. Perhaps it is because I do not look like the mother of a large family. I am tiny, look younger than my age and all my life people have labelled me as cute. So people’s first reaction to me is shock. Confusion follows because I am happy. Now a joyful, cute, tiny mother of nine simply baffles people. I shatter all their preconceived notions. The typical image of a multi-para woman would be a large, matronly, robust, grim, battle-axe of a mother, efficiently marshaling her young charges with little time to coddle or love the poor deprived dears.

Parents with two children cannot fathom how a mother of a large family manages to cope with all the work necessary to keep up a home as well as have enough time to love each child. However, more children are easier than less. In a large family, a seven-year old will repeatedly read the same book to a toddler who loves one particular book. A ten-year old feels important when he can help his six-year old brother who struggles with reading. A young teenager delights in rocking a tiny, dependant infant to sleep.

For me, family started with three because then community started. A community works and plays together and for little children work is as fun as play. I included everyone in ordinary household chores and made chores fun. A trained Montessorian once declared that I ran my home like a Montessori school. What a wonderful confirmation that was for me. My kids were not deprived because I usually could not sit and play with them in the traditional sense. Instead they received an expensive, educational experience simply because I integrated them into the running of our home.

It was never too soon to give one of my toddlers a job such as picking up the toys his younger sibling drops from the high chair.The secret was to delegate, each according to his or her talents, but never to order them around like they were in the army. They chopped wood, helped fix the car, weeded the garden and took care of the animals. If teenagers are still treated like kids or overindulged, they don’t have a purpose and become really angry. When parents appreciate their kids contributions, their confidence blossoms and matures.

Employers love my kids because they know how to work and do not take anything for granted. Many have said,

“I will give anybody with the last name Juneau a job.”

Large families strengthen the basic foundations of our society. They live lives of greater interconnectedness. If you don’t have a lot of money, you’re not an island unto yourself. You learn how to share and barter both skills and things with others. My children who go to college or university, adapt well to communal life in a dorm or a shared house. Just imagine, they already know how to share a bathroom with a lot of other people. They know how to get along with opposite personalities, how to give and take. For starters, they know how to cook and clean up after themselves.

Healthy, large families benefit society. So open your mind and heart the next time you see or hear of one. The condemnation is really hard to handle and totally unjust in a society that loves to call itself open-minded and tolerant.

My Ceiling is My Children’s Floor

Funzug.com

Whimsical, philosophical thoughts from a mother of nine.

The only thing that could kill a mother of a large family is trying to pair all the socks.

Raising children is not a default chore for women who were not successful in the world of power and wealth.

The existence of a joyful mother of nine confounds most people.

steve hanks

Children help you forget what is not important.

Relax. If it is not broken yet, it probably should be.

Laughter turns each tragedy into a comedy of errors.

My kids helped me discover who I really am.

Babies are not idiots; relate to them like intelligent people, albeit little people,

I became a baby whisperer.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            

Ingenuity and creativity are birthed in boredom.

Bored children never stay bored for long, so don’t worry about it. They will pick up a book or a pencil.

Ignore the bad and praise the good.

Don’t get upset over messes.

Pino Daeni

Mothers hold the future of society in their hearts.

I am not the centre of the universe but merely one part of a community called family.Discover joy in the plethora of little details that delight your children.

The joy of mothering is my call, my vocation and my witness to the modern world.

Closing the wings of my intellect and opening the wings of my heart.

This too will pass.

Let your baby love and nurture you.

All will be well in the end.

A Mother's Words

Mother’s? Hilarious Opinions from Little people

A little taste of  eight-year old reasoning.  A reality check to balance all those manipulative commercials and sentimental Mother’s Day cards that are flooding the market place. Warning. The following true comments  are not politically correct. So simply laugh and enjoy, no need to flog me with feminist remarks.

Answers given by grade two school children to the following questions:

What kind of a little girl was your mum?

1. My mum has always been my mum and none of that other stuff.
2. I don’t know because I wasn’t there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.

If you could change one thing about your mum, what would it be?

1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I’d get rid of that.
2. I’d make my mum smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.

What would it take to make your mum perfect?

1. On the inside she’s already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I’d diet, maybe blue. 

Why did God make mothers

1. She’s the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?

1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my mum just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

 What ingredients are mothers made of?

1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men’s bones. Then they mostly use string, I think

Why did God give you your mother and not some other mum?

1. We’re related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people’s mom like me.

 What did mum need to know about dad before she married him?

1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

 Why did your mum marry your dad?

1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that mom didn’t have her thinking cap on.

 Who’s the boss at your house?

1. Mum doesn’t want to be boss, but she has to because dad’s such a goof ball.
2. Mum. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess mum is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.

What’s the difference between mums and dads?

1. Mums work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.
2. Mums know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller and stronger, but Mums have all the real power cause that’s who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friends.
4. Mums have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.

What does your mum do in her spare time?

1. Mothers don’t do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

FELL FREE TO PASS THIS ALONG TO ANY MOTHER NEEDING A GOOD LAUGH from Bonnie

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