WHAT? You want to Shave Your Head and Pierce Your Ears?!?

Some people use this quote, “choose your battles” to express the idea that when dealing with a potential confrontation with your child, it is a good idea to step back and ask,

“Does it REALLY matter? Does this disagreement really have to do with morality, commonsense or responsibility or is it simply a matter of taste, choice or opinion?”

About 90% of the time, I had to admit that some disagreements were not worth fighting over and as the most mature person in the equation, I should probably acquiesce as gracefully as possible.

For me, this was a ‘very hard pill to swallow’ as the saying goes. It went completely against my perfectionist nature.  The examples I could give are countless but I’ll recount a  couple of the most amusing.

 A good friend, who was a slightly younger and a more cool mother than I was, offered to shave my two oldest boys’ heads.

My two boys really wanted to try this new style. David was especially jumping up and down.

Carol laughed , as she looked at the expression on my face,

” Oh come on Melanie, it’s only hair. It will grow back!”

To me, that hair style looked rough, like an army kid would wear but we didn’t have a lot of money and this was a cool, free haircut that would last a looong time. Carol  actually carried her shaving kit with her, so it was easy to let go of my prejudices. The buzzed heads delighted my two boys and I had to admit, it WAS easier to wash their heads.

I let Melissa go on her first trip alone with Carol’s family when they returned to Toronto a couple of days ahead of the rest of our family. The next day another Carol induced crisis popped up when Melissa phoned, excitement bubbling in the tone of her voice,

“Mummy, guess what? Carol said she would pay to get my ears pierced and for the earrings. PLeeeease say yes, pretty pleeease!!!”

I wanted to wait until she was when she was sixteen but you know what? It wasn’t corrupting her morals or injuring her health and it was something free and the earrings would make her feel pretty EVERY day. So I gave in. Of course five-year old Mara saw her sister and cried,

“Melissa got her ears pierced??!!”

I had to let Mara get her ears pierced as well. This decision turned out to be a good one because the girls kept the same little studs in for years and were completely satisfied for years.  Those little studs made them feel like they fit in with the other girls.

Fashion Sense? She was BORN with it

Tiny, adorable, clever and independent Emily was also strong-willed, high maintenance and high strung.  My fifth child, Emily was a beautiful little package of contradictions who gave me strife and hilarious joy, sometimes at the very same time.  Most arguments were about clothes. Although her fashion sense has developed into a wonderful gift now that she is in her mid twenties, at three and four-years old this “gift” was a pain.

Emily changed her clothes frequently throughout  the day, from the age of two. Watching one of the few videos of our family, one of my older daughters pointed at the screen and laughed,

                             

“Look at Emily. That is the third time she has changed clothes during this video!”

 Sure enough, the pip squeak had another outfit on.

Emily is on the left

 Emily was always aware of what she was wearing as well as those around her, which often led to disagreements about what she could and could not wear. Although she was a mature, articulate, fashion conscious three-year old, I was still concerned that Emily was too young to start four-year old kindergarten. When she stomped into the house after the first morning, ranting about a little girl who had worn a “jean skirt with a MATCHING jean jacket”, I realized that it was the school which was not quite ready for EMILY

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Alas, Emily’s attention soon turned to her busy mother.  I sometimes pulled on stockings, brushed my hair and applied a touch of make-up once I had climbed into our huge 13 seat mini-bus.  I barely had enough time to make sure my dress was clean and my teeth were brushed before I hustled everyone out the door. This changed when my daughters were in their late teens because they organized an all out assault to bring me into the 21st century. They took me to a hair salon for a cut and dye make-over, plucked my eyebrows, bought me clothes and make-up and forced me to throw out decade old comfy clothes. Emily has been the most persistent fashion advisor, however.

One evening as I tried to rush out of the house, Emily looked up from her homework and asked,                                 

“Are you going out?”

I answered in the affirmative.

Emily continued, “And you’re wearing THAT?”

I nodded slowly.  I knew the direction that this conversation was headed.

“I don’t think so”, she added, “Remember the navy pants that Melissa bought you for Christmas and the top that Rachel gave you on Mother’s Day? That would look really sharp with my light blue scarf and my little black belt. Could you PLEASE try it on?”

I sighed and trudged back upstairs because it was easier just to comply. I must admit that she was right. Of course, once I came down, Emily had to jump up to adjust the belt and re-tie the scarf but as a result of listening to my daughter’s fashion advice, she was pleased and Michael, my husband, was pleasantly surprised.

 Really though, Emily is an expert at changing outfits. She has been practicing since she was two-years old.

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