"How Much Longer, Lord, How Much Longer?"

Teenagers love to drive parents crazy

Living through teenage drama without loosing your sanity

One of my sons , in his early teens, had just announced that he could not stand living under our roof another minute,
"I'm out of here!", he bellowed, "and don't expect me to come back!"

The door slammed and he tore off on his ten speed bike. Of course my father was visiting and witnessed this dramatic episode. After a few minutes, Dad turned to my husband and wondered,

" Aren't you going to go after him?"

Michael calmly kept reading, then looked up and explained,

"Oh, I'm not worried. The only place near enough to bike to is one of his buddy's and they don't feed kids over there. He'll be back when he is hungry enough."

Sure enough, hunger brought my son home late that night. We did not need to pronounce any ultimatums because the recognition that he still needed to live at home and attempt to get along with our rules and his family

was humbling enough. No need to rub his face in the facts.

Teenagers are often humiliated by their mistakes in judgment so they relish the opportunity to catch us in the wrong.

For example, Michael's usual response to swearing, disrespect or a poor attitude was,

"Leave that sort of stuff at school!"

One evening at the dinner table on a Sunday, Michael yelled in anger at the dog. David had just filled his plate and was coming back to the table. He leaned over, looked at his dad and with a twinkle in his eye and a huge grin on his face said ,

"Leave that sort of stuff at church, eh Dad!"

Michael snapped out of his bad mood and had to smile. The kid was right. David's humour diffused the situation and Michael was the one who had to apologize this time.

Teenagers also love to rile their parents, to flaunt rules and standards in a blind wish to figure out who they are in and of themselves. If I remember this fact, I don't overreact to obnoxious behaviour. I like to compare teenagers to two-year olds because the very same dynamic is unfolding, only this time it is a stressful transition from childhood to adulthood that requires many years to complete. I read somewhere that 25 is the age that young adults finally get an adult brain! In our family, we actually celebrate that birthday and welcome our offspring into full adulthood.

Sometimes teenagers, boys especially like to prove their new-found strength. David loved to come behind me in the kitchen and with a huge grin on his face pick me up and swing me around or even turn me upside down!

"Oh well", I'd think to myself, "This too will pass, this too will pass."

A Most Comical, Engaging, Pet.

Shadow was a slobbery, drooling dog, a big black lab mix with overgrown feet and an overgrown personality.

An integral part of my children's lives for 13 years. he was the most quirky, amusing and utterly annoying pet we have ever owned. I can only list of his odd and utterly hilarious behaviour because it would take a n entire chapter in a book to really flesh out his exploits.

1. Shadow grew up with cats.

 They could cuddle up beside him or lay on top of him and he barely raised an eyebrow. He tossed mice and fish around like a cat and sometimes he played more like a cat than a dog.

2. Shadow could not stand to be left out of any activity.

 Thus the name SHADOW. 

For example, every week, we collected day old bread, distributed to families in need and of course fed our own family. Any extra went to the pigs. This jealous dog would  dash in to the pigs' feeding trough, grab a bun or long french loaf and dart away as the pigs charged after him. In a perfect doggy manner, he would bury the stolen treasure. Then Shadow would sit, with his back to his stash and guard it. The funniest scene would be in the winter when the french loaf was only half buried, Shadow seemed confident that his bread was invisible. He sat and pretended that he was innocently looking around and enjoying the scenery and not guarding illegal, stolen goods. This little act never failed to make us laugh and shake our heads.

3.Although Shadow had webbed feet and loved to swim, he was reluctant to get wet.

 The only way to persuade him to swim in the lake and cool off was to cast a bobber with a fishing rod and reel it in as fast as possible. At least once every 20 casts, Shadow would manage to snap up the fishing bobber. It was Hilarius because he would keep diving in after that stupid bobber till he was ready to drop.

4. Our dog's curiosity caused Many Mishaps

One night when a porcupine shot 30-40 quills into his face and nose, Shadow could only sleep with his face hanging over the top step in the hall. It took HOURS of patiently sneaking up while he dozed and pulling the quills out ONE AT A TIME. We tried to restrain this monstrous beast numerous times but he always shook us off .

5.Then there were the few times, a skunk sprayed him at close range and he rolled the stench into the kitchen floor. Have you ever smelled fresh, Strong, skunk spray? Our eyes teared, heads ached and our lungs burned. The entire house REEKED for days after!!! I even tried washing the floor and Shadow with tomato juice. What did work was liquid Tide.

6.Shadow hated thunder storms.

If he was alone in the house he would jump through  glass windows and doors or scratch frantically at screen windows or doors smashing, ripping, and destroying wood, frames, what ever prevented him from escaping.

In 13 years this rampage happened TOO many times and after every incident, Michael would yell

"That's it!! This dog has to go!!"

Our older "kids" would shake their heads, smile and say,

"Dad, really, Shadow is part of the family and you just can't get rid of family no matter how poorly they act."

Michael, would then glare at the miscreant, and demand,

" Go lay down, you bad dog."

Suitably chastised, Shadow would slink away and keep a low profile for a few days.

7. This dog snuck up and snatched what ever the kids were picking from the garden and eat it- corn on the cob, green beans, strawberries, raspberries.... He could not STAND to be excluded.

8. Shadow loved to sleep on beds and couches .

I really do not think he realized that he was not a lap dog! The trouble was when he tried to hop up on the furniture to cuddle, he would inadvertently dislodge people, almost pushing them off the couch. When ordered OFF the furniture, he would slink away with the most pitiful look on his face till one of us laid down beside him on the floor. Then he was content.

9. It was a mad dash to open the car door and slam it quickly before Shadow could jump in for a ride. He REALLY liked car rides.

10. Shadow wasn't a great guard dog, even though he barked loudly enough at every tiny mammal  but our resident fox, literally "out foxed" him When Michael spotted our friendly, chicken eating fox trotting towards the barn, he called for his faithful dog. Rather then chase the fox, our dog started running circles around the garage  with his nose right to the ground.  The fox had laid a false trail for Shadow!!

Michael yelled at the dog again, 

"Shadow, the fox ran over there."

Shadow looked up, tore across the yard, dove into the bushes, did a u-turn, ran up the hill  to the barn down again, then raced after the fox. If this dog had used his eyes instead of his nose, he would have headed straight into the corn.That clever fox hadn't even been frightened nor in a  terrible hurry as he laid his scent down because he knew exactly how to fool a dog.

11. Whenever Shadow caught a glimpse of the gun we were forced to use sometimes to scare away predators, Shadow became excited, agitated and LOUD. The boys  needed their wits to sneak out of the house while other siblings distracted our great hunting dog. It was always very dramatic.

When I asked my family for Shadow stories, everyone laughed with warm and humour as they remembered their beloved pet. In spite of his annoying habits he WAS a member of our family.

Fashion Sense? She was BORN with it

Tiny, adorable, clever and independent Emily was also strong-willed, high maintenance and high strung.  My fifth child, Emily was a beautiful little package of contradictions who gave me strife and hilarious joy, sometimes at the very same time.  Most arguments were about clothes. Although her fashion sense has developed into a wonderful gift now that she is in her mid twenties, at three and four-years old this “gift” was a pain.

Emily changed her clothes frequently throughout  the day, from the age of two. Watching one of the few videos of our family, one of my older daughters pointed at the screen and laughed,

                             

“Look at Emily. That is the third time she has changed clothes during this video!”

 Sure enough, the pip squeak had another outfit on.

Emily is on the left

 Emily was always aware of what she was wearing as well as those around her, which often led to disagreements about what she could and could not wear. Although she was a mature, articulate, fashion conscious three-year old, I was still concerned that Emily was too young to start four-year old kindergarten. When she stomped into the house after the first morning, ranting about a little girl who had worn a “jean skirt with a MATCHING jean jacket”, I realized that it was the school which was not quite ready for EMILY

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Alas, Emily’s attention soon turned to her busy mother.  I sometimes pulled on stockings, brushed my hair and applied a touch of make-up once I had climbed into our huge 13 seat mini-bus.  I barely had enough time to make sure my dress was clean and my teeth were brushed before I hustled everyone out the door. This changed when my daughters were in their late teens because they organized an all out assault to bring me into the 21st century. They took me to a hair salon for a cut and dye make-over, plucked my eyebrows, bought me clothes and make-up and forced me to throw out decade old comfy clothes. Emily has been the most persistent fashion advisor, however.

One evening as I tried to rush out of the house, Emily looked up from her homework and asked,                                 

“Are you going out?”

I answered in the affirmative.

Emily continued, “And you’re wearing THAT?”

I nodded slowly.  I knew the direction that this conversation was headed.

“I don’t think so”, she added, “Remember the navy pants that Melissa bought you for Christmas and the top that Rachel gave you on Mother’s Day? That would look really sharp with my light blue scarf and my little black belt. Could you PLEASE try it on?”

I sighed and trudged back upstairs because it was easier just to comply. I must admit that she was right. Of course, once I came down, Emily had to jump up to adjust the belt and re-tie the scarf but as a result of listening to my daughter’s fashion advice, she was pleased and Michael, my husband, was pleasantly surprised.

 Really though, Emily is an expert at changing outfits. She has been practicing since she was two-years old.

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