Thriving When Stress Reduces Life to The Basics

As every mother knows, a newborn takes at least eight hours a day to nurse, burp, rock and comfort, bath, change clothes and change diapers. Then a mother must washall those diapers, clothes, receiving blankets, sheets and baby blankets as well as their clothes which tend to get covered in vomit, and other nasty surprises.

The lack of sleep leads to a rather narrow existence where the best days are when you can sneak in a nap or shower and dress before noon. Oh, those were the days when stress reduced life to the basics. Those basics were actually miraculous when I relaxed and allowed myself to live in the moment, enjoying my newborn rather than bemoaning all the important activities that I couldn’t seem to even start. The very fact that everything that my little one required to grow and thrive was inexpensive and near at hand was amazing. My baby didn’t need a lot of money spent on him, he simply needed arms to hold him, mother’s milk to drink and warm clothes and blankets. Accepting reality meant letting go of trying be everything and do everything I did before I had a lot of kids.

The pivotal point in my personal growth was realizing that, in fear, I  clung to control. I have let go of this control at least a thousand times already. A thousand times of choosing to surrender fear and lies and trusting. Each time I peel back a layer, another deeper level of fear pops up.

An image which described my struggle to surrender control, was a wagon wheel suspended over a deep chasm.

My large family of 10 stood on the rim of a wagon wheel,

while I crouched on the hub,

frantically turning this way and that,

grabbing all the broken spokes,

desperate to hold the crumbling structured together.

I realized that I had to let go of this futile sense of responsibility and control but

I was afraid to stop,

afraid that one moment of inattention would cause my entire family to tumble down into the abyss.

I was trapped.

Yet, I realized that

my tension prevented natural, organic growth and healing.

My control acted like a wall, shutting out all divine intervention and grace.

My sincere concern and earnest self-sacrifice actually magnified everyone’s brokenness by

freezing everyone and everything.

Suddenly an arrow of light

pierced through my confusion.

It was as if a sharp pin burst a huge, black balloon of deception.

Suddenly the image was gone,

like a mountain done in by a mustard seed.

I had been wrestling with an illusion,

a phantom mountain.

There was no dilemma.

I laughed at myself.

With joy,

I finally surrendered control.

The broken spokes were instantly repaired.

The kids and my husband started smiling.

I was free.

We were free.

God Leads

Outwardly, my life is diametrically opposed  to anything I could have imagined as a teenager. Yet this strange life I find myself living has brought me more fulfilment and joy than I ever could have imagined.
At sixteen, I was still an avid reader, who loved school.   As  expected, I completed an Honours Degree in English Literature. By 23, my life was still on track. I considered continuing my studies as a graduate student because I still loved everything about academia.  The relaxed but challenging experience of reading Chaucer and Old English in the original vernacular with only one other student in a professor's office was invigorating. This teacher was delighted to find two students interested in his life's work

I loved my life and didn't for see any changes. I had grown up with one sister, ballet lessons and a library filled with great fiction. I enjoyed gardening, painting and drawing, eating a vegetarian diet, reading spiritual literature and growing in my faith ; I was content.
Suddenly, my life as I knew it, changed dramatically.
I met Michael, who was just passing through Regina, Saskatchewan from Ottawa, Ontario to Prince George, British Columbia and from that very first, it felt like the prairie wind had swooped down and scattered all my work and plans. Michael described our first meeting in much kinder terms;   he saw fireworks when he first laid eyes on me.
I was not ready for this dramatic change in my life but it was clear to me that this was my call. So I baffled my fellow students, profs, advisors, friends and family by saying yes to the unexpected. I did not know anything about my newly chosen lifestyle or even where we would live. I did realize that I was completely ignorant and lacked even the most basic skills required to survive.
I became pregnant before our first wedding anniversary. Instantly, I began to panic because I knew, that once again, I was utterly unprepared. I had never even held a newborn! So I prepared in the only way I knew how and I read every book I could find on pregnancy, birth and baby care.
However all this studying did little to equip me to mother a fragile, completely dependent newborn. For example, as I held my baby in a small bathtub for his first bath, I was very nervous. Guess what? I had a book propped open with one elbow awkwardly holding it open to the right page, while my baby was in the baby bathtub on the table. The book was my security blanket. In fact reading at any odd moment I could grab a few seconds , strong cups of tea plus the mercy of God  and a wicked sense of humour have been my strength.
In the ensuing years, 18 spent pregnant and/or nursing babies,  I discovered fulfilment. My call, vocation and witness became the joy of mothering children. Perhaps I could have started  writing seven years ago when everyone was in school full-time but realistically there was simply too much physical work involved in running a household for eleven people and helping with the farm animals and our large vegetable garden.
Now I  have come around full circle because I  have started writing again. Just as I imagined at 16.  It just took 40 years of living a strange life before this avid reader and crazy oral story-teller was ready to start writing.

A comment

I had to smile through the whole thing, Melanie. I believe that God had plans for you from even before you met the love of your life. Your story, how you became a wife and then a mother, is so beautiful. I don't think I could tire reading it. :)

Maybe that is the beauty and mystery of life...that we do have a destiny to fulfill and often are not aware of it till it happens...

Dec. 22/2012: Tis a Gift To Be Simple

Why are we so quick to latch onto pronouncements from prophets or ancient societies that give us a heads up on the future? Each time a doomsday warning snatches the top spot in the news media many of us are sure that this time we know the exact date of our death. It seems we would rather have bad news than no news at all.

According to one of the most famous men to have ever lived, Jesus, no one knows the time and date of the end of the world. He also had a direct line to the God, only saying or doing what He saw his Father in heaven doing.

So why do we want to know the date of our death? I think that we simply we hate experiencing our vulnerability. We want to pretend that we are in control, and in the know. Life is the exact opposite. Until we stop railing against our powerlessness, we will never be happy. Only the truth sets us free. Only living in the present moment will we find the peace and joy we crave.

How do we live in the present moment? How do we accept our powerlessness and let go control the uncontrollable? By relaxing and taking a few deep breaths when we realize we are scheming about the future or mulling over our dubious past. I find that  a good laugh at my ridiculous tendency to play God puts me back into reality.

Even better sing or listen to the Shaker hymn,  Simple Gifts or the rewrite, The Lord of the Dance.

"Simple Gifts" was written by Elder Joseph while he was at the Shaker community in Alfred, Maine. These are the lyrics to his one-verse song:

'Tis the gift to be simple, 'tis the gift to be free'

Tis the gift to come down where we ought to be,

And when we find ourselves in the place just right

,'Twill be in the valley of love and delight.

When true simplicity is gain'd,

To bow and to bend we shan't be asham'd,

To turn, turn will be our delight,

Till by turning, turning we come 'round right.

       "Lord of the Dance"

Chorus to the hymn:
Dance, then, wherever you may be,
I am the Lord of the Dance, said he,
And I'll lead you all, whereever you may be,
And I'll lead you all in the Dance, said he.