No More Mental Kung-Fu

Posted on my fridge right at my eye level (I'm 5'1") are quotes that are key to my sanity. When I feel at my wit's end, this quote makes me laugh and cuts through stress.

One in four people are mentally unbalanced.

Think of three friends.

If they seem fine,

You're the one.

 

I never fail to smile, even after reading these lines hundreds of times. This reaction pushes worry to the side. When I don't take myself too seriously by entertaining the thought that I might be slightly unbalanced, I immediately stop over reacting. My worries are now put into perspective.

 

Laughter is the best way to snap out of melodrama.

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Cognitive therapists love to tell us not to 'make a mountain out of a mole hill', however there are times

when everything actually is even worse than it seems, times when our world really does shatter. What then? I love to control but when my safe little world has shattered, sometime it was the only way I could step out of my comfort zone.

 

Many times devastating circumstances have ended one way of life for our family but something new always rose out of the ashes. I had to learn to relax and patiently let the process unfold naturally.

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Again melodrama really did not help. I always say that I finally can laugh in the face of tragedy.  Christian Cognitive therapy came to my rescue.

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That old proverb, "Don't make a mountain out of a mole hill", has saved my sanity many times. Laughter puts every thing into perspective. Although stuck in retched circumstances, I still can change how I feel and how I think. Cognitive therapy is a powerful tool. I can often change my thoughts and focus on all the blessing is my life, instead if everything that is going wrong and my emotions change as well.

 

For example, I still can see, hear, use all my limbs and I don't have a chronic illness.

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But what about the times when you simply cannot change your thoughts?, when you can't snap out of anxiety or panic? My family coined a phrase for crazy thinking that leads to stress. Repeat this phrase and it is once again laughter what will put a stop to your running brain, guaranteed.No more Mental-Fu Can't you just see your thoughts sparring with each other in a match that neither of them can ever win, especially in the middle of the night? Really, humans are so illogical, we are comical. So this is my wise advice.

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To quote the Reader's Digest, "Laughter is the best medicine.

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Laugh and Let God take charge.

The Flu While Flying Solo

A writing, soul sister who I met on Blogher, jokingly started  this poem by rewriting one of my articles . She chopped out all the flub words from a prose short story. I was swept up in the spirit of revision and kept writing. inerertoldher  writes at thegirls

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I could feel my body relax

As I curled up

In my favourite chair.

1 through 4

Were all tucked in

Hubby had gone out

Alone.

At last.

Smiling to myself

I began to read

Savouring the words,

Enjoying the

quiet.

But, then I heard it.

‘The noise’

You know…

I threw the book

Ran upstairs

To my daughter’s room..

Too late.

Vomit.  Everywhere.

Poor baby.

Cleaned, changed,

Lovingly tucked into my bed.

To the laundry room

Heard it again.

Running…

Too late.

Vomit.  Everywhere.

Poor Baby.

Cleaned, changed

Lovingly tucked into her bed

with the nice clean sheets.

Back to the laundry.

Heard it again

Take three, take four

Vomit. Everywhere.

Mounds of stinking laundry

Meanwhile,

Number littlest, # 4 woke up

Back to the baby…

One step, two step,

Where did he go?

I slipped and almost fell.

Number 4 had found 3 litres of oil

And dumped

ALL of it

He was rolling in oil,

Splashing with glee.

My mouth

Dropped open;

I almost cried

Instead

Hysterical giggles bubbled up

Then gales of laughter.

I leaned against the wall

Slowly sliding

Till I sat

Laughing till my sides ached

Legs stuck straight out

Slippery baby,

Dripping in oil.

Bathed him

Nursed  back to sleep.

Scooped up oil

Washed the floor

Again and again

Husband returned

Slipped

Sent Flying

Arms Flailing

Legs Scrambling

Almost crashing to the floor

“Gee Mel, What happened ?”

I glare.

Throw up my hands and bellow

Aaaaahhhhh!

Thriving When Stress Reduces Life to The Basics

As every mother knows, a newborn takes at least eight hours a day to nurse, burp, rock and comfort, bath, change clothes and change diapers. Then a mother must washall those diapers, clothes, receiving blankets, sheets and baby blankets as well as their clothes which tend to get covered in vomit, and other nasty surprises.

The lack of sleep leads to a rather narrow existence where the best days are when you can sneak in a nap or shower and dress before noon. Oh, those were the days when stress reduced life to the basics. Those basics were actually miraculous when I relaxed and allowed myself to live in the moment, enjoying my newborn rather than bemoaning all the important activities that I couldn’t seem to even start. The very fact that everything that my little one required to grow and thrive was inexpensive and near at hand was amazing. My baby didn’t need a lot of money spent on him, he simply needed arms to hold him, mother’s milk to drink and warm clothes and blankets. Accepting reality meant letting go of trying be everything and do everything I did before I had a lot of kids.

The pivotal point in my personal growth was realizing that, in fear, I  clung to control. I have let go of this control at least a thousand times already. A thousand times of choosing to surrender fear and lies and trusting. Each time I peel back a layer, another deeper level of fear pops up.

An image which described my struggle to surrender control, was a wagon wheel suspended over a deep chasm.

My large family of 10 stood on the rim of a wagon wheel,

while I crouched on the hub,

frantically turning this way and that,

grabbing all the broken spokes,

desperate to hold the crumbling structured together.

I realized that I had to let go of this futile sense of responsibility and control but

I was afraid to stop,

afraid that one moment of inattention would cause my entire family to tumble down into the abyss.

I was trapped.

Yet, I realized that

my tension prevented natural, organic growth and healing.

My control acted like a wall, shutting out all divine intervention and grace.

My sincere concern and earnest self-sacrifice actually magnified everyone’s brokenness by

freezing everyone and everything.

Suddenly an arrow of light

pierced through my confusion.

It was as if a sharp pin burst a huge, black balloon of deception.

Suddenly the image was gone,

like a mountain done in by a mustard seed.

I had been wrestling with an illusion,

a phantom mountain.

There was no dilemma.

I laughed at myself.

With joy,

I finally surrendered control.

The broken spokes were instantly repaired.

The kids and my husband started smiling.

I was free.

We were free.

There’s a Hole in My Bucket , Dear Liza

Understanding mental Illness with the stress bucket image. 

The stress vulnerability bucket is a way to explain why some people experience anxiety, depression, paranoia or a psychotic episode. I heard this illustration explained at a conference more than 10 years ago and I find that it is still the easiest way to explain how mental illness affects people

Think of each person's ability to handle stress as a bucket with holes in the bottom. Some people from stable home backgrounds with relaxed, cheerful temperaments might have a large bucket to handle stress while others who are high-strung or perhaps wounded from child abuse or unstable home life as children might have a smaller bucket.

Now, imagine stress as water filling up the bucket. If a lot of water comes into the bucket, in other words, if a person experiences a great deal of stress, then the bucket can overflow. People with big buckets, or a low-level of vulnerability, can cope with more stress, and people with small buckets can cope with less stress. Loads of things can stress us all out, like relationship problems, money worries or family problems.

If you manage  stress by using helpful ways of coping, then this gets rid of the stress from the bucket. This is like punching holes in the bottom of the bucket. Helpful coping is things like talking through your problems with someone or getting a good nights sleep, going for a walk, taking a long, hot bath to relax your muscles and best of all is prayer, the kind that leads you into the peace of God.

If you cope by doing unhelpful things, then that could make the stress worse. This is like blocking the holes in your bucket. Unhelpful ways of coping are things like taking drugs, drinking too much alcohol, or keeping your problems to yourself.

 

Really, it is not important if your bucket is large or small . The key to living a balanced, 'sane' life is to keep the holes in the bottom of the bucket open so stress can flow out, Sometimes that means taking medication, especially if you need it to sleep. Some people need eyeglasses to read, diabetics need insulin and some people need help with their serotonin levels..no guilt, no condemnation.