My Heart is Not in Stuff

Remember yesterday, when your home was on fire and you got to save five items? That means you left a lot of stuff behind. What are the things you wish you could have taken, but had to leave behind?

I did not write yesterdays post because the only objects that I would run into a burning house for are photos of family, my computer, an overnight bag with toiletries and a few changes of clothes , a bible crocheting to help any tension and nerves. That's it.

As for regrets, I really do not think that my heart is in things. Since I was a little girl, I have felt content with what I have materially.  Even now when my nine kids ask me what I want for Christmas, I pause for a moment with a blank mind. I have to search to come up with a list.

Rather a strange state to be in because this is not the result of spiritual striving, fasting, prayer, it is just how I am. Living with little people has only strengthened an innate tendency to enjoy the little things, to be grateful to be alive and in communion with the Spirit.

Little kids have been my teachers and taught me that the key to happiness and joy is thankfulness and appreciation for the beauty that surrounds us and especially that is just above our heads.

There is much to be grateful for if we will simply stop for a moment and really see the details which surround us every day.

Children delight in the plethora of tiny details all around them. They are born with a sense of wonder and the ability to enjoy little things.
Children love to peer closely at tiny objects. Perhaps it is because they are closer to the ground but they stop at every flower and bug, especially a bug on a flower. As they look, touch, smell, even lick each wonderful new discovery, all their attention is riveted on that one thing. At first it was difficult to slow down during our walks and let the toddlers set the pace but it was a wonderful instruction in relaxing and becoming fully present to the moment.
At first I was only capable of enjoying whatever captured my children's notice but now I realize that they were experiencing so much more than I initially thought. In their silent, non-verbal attention to nature, they were in deep communion with God Himself as He is present in His creation. Adults struggle for years to merely glimpse the intimacy that little children have naturally with God. They do not need to strive or work for this state of contemplation because they are without guile, prior opinions or expectations; they are open and look with trust, ready to absorb the love, joy and peace that envelopes them. Children are grateful for everything.
To live in a constant state of gratitude and thankfulness. Even if I were to live in the midst of a concrete jungle, I could at least stop for a moment, look up and give thanks. I simply need to remind myself to glance upwards, above my little busy world and enjoy the sky. The sky alone is an extravagant present that continually fills me with the joy if I remember to take a break from my "important" business.

Ode to an Orchard Playground

A place from your past or childhood, one that you’re fond of, is destroyed. Write it a memorial.

i stand on hot concrete

staring at a large edifice of

glass like steel and

steel like glass.

yet I do not see this

man-made

monstrosity.

reflected in the mirror like steel

i see a cluster of

wild apple trees,

stunted

gnarled

through the eyes of children

it is a magical orchard

created just for them

lying in the tall grass,

shaded by succulent fruit

a Garden of Eden

perfect backdrop for

imaginary games and

apple banquets

fit for a princess

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God Leads

Outwardly, my life is diametrically opposed  to anything I could have imagined as a teenager. Yet this strange life I find myself living has brought me more fulfilment and joy than I ever could have imagined.
At sixteen, I was still an avid reader, who loved school.   As  expected, I completed an Honours Degree in English Literature. By 23, my life was still on track. I considered continuing my studies as a graduate student because I still loved everything about academia.  The relaxed but challenging experience of reading Chaucer and Old English in the original vernacular with only one other student in a professor's office was invigorating. This teacher was delighted to find two students interested in his life's work

I loved my life and didn't for see any changes. I had grown up with one sister, ballet lessons and a library filled with great fiction. I enjoyed gardening, painting and drawing, eating a vegetarian diet, reading spiritual literature and growing in my faith ; I was content.
Suddenly, my life as I knew it, changed dramatically.
I met Michael, who was just passing through Regina, Saskatchewan from Ottawa, Ontario to Prince George, British Columbia and from that very first, it felt like the prairie wind had swooped down and scattered all my work and plans. Michael described our first meeting in much kinder terms;   he saw fireworks when he first laid eyes on me.
I was not ready for this dramatic change in my life but it was clear to me that this was my call. So I baffled my fellow students, profs, advisors, friends and family by saying yes to the unexpected. I did not know anything about my newly chosen lifestyle or even where we would live. I did realize that I was completely ignorant and lacked even the most basic skills required to survive.
I became pregnant before our first wedding anniversary. Instantly, I began to panic because I knew, that once again, I was utterly unprepared. I had never even held a newborn! So I prepared in the only way I knew how and I read every book I could find on pregnancy, birth and baby care.
However all this studying did little to equip me to mother a fragile, completely dependent newborn. For example, as I held my baby in a small bathtub for his first bath, I was very nervous. Guess what? I had a book propped open with one elbow awkwardly holding it open to the right page, while my baby was in the baby bathtub on the table. The book was my security blanket. In fact reading at any odd moment I could grab a few seconds , strong cups of tea plus the mercy of God  and a wicked sense of humour have been my strength.
In the ensuing years, 18 spent pregnant and/or nursing babies,  I discovered fulfilment. My call, vocation and witness became the joy of mothering children. Perhaps I could have started  writing seven years ago when everyone was in school full-time but realistically there was simply too much physical work involved in running a household for eleven people and helping with the farm animals and our large vegetable garden.
Now I  have come around full circle because I  have started writing again. Just as I imagined at 16.  It just took 40 years of living a strange life before this avid reader and crazy oral story-teller was ready to start writing.

A comment

I had to smile through the whole thing, Melanie. I believe that God had plans for you from even before you met the love of your life. Your story, how you became a wife and then a mother, is so beautiful. I don't think I could tire reading it. :)

Maybe that is the beauty and mystery of life...that we do have a destiny to fulfill and often are not aware of it till it happens...

Daily Prompt: Ready, Set Go / Little People

Set a timerSet a timer for ten minutes. Open a new post. Start the timer, and start writing. When the timer goes off, publish. Time to loosen up and have some fun, fun with words HOW ABOUT A 70'S SORT OF STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS WITH A PINCH OF E.E.CUMMINGS? Now I AM DATING MYSELF BECAUSE HE WAS THE UNORTHODOX POET OF CHOICE IN HIGH SCHOOL IN THE 70'S. Yes THE 70'S!!! children simply little people people not dolls Not reflections of our own egos not characters to fulfil our unfulfilled dreams and ambition . children. toddlers even babies unique, definite personalities and characters look back once they have grown and discover the seeds of the man within the toddler a mystery and a delight to discover each individual personality encourage watch to grow in a unique manner

Family Tree

How many faces do you see?

                                     https://www.facebook.com/bestawkwardmoments/photos_stream

EVERYONE’S EYES ARE OPEN!

   family and new daughter-in -law

                                       

The Great Canadian Novel

Credit: shutterstock
I dream of illustrating an imaginative allegorical novel.

If you could choose to be a master (or mistress) of any skill in the world, which skill would you pick?

Obviously I would love to write like a pro, not simply short articles like I write now but thick volumes of books that would be called literature. Why? For the simple reason that I love reading allegories. I love loosing myself in an imaginative world created by authors like C.S. Lewis, J.R. R. Tolkien or Rowling. Coleridge called this magical reading experience "the suspension of disbelief".

I suppose I am not ready to write such a masterpiece but I have tasted what it is like to connect to the powerful creative force that flows through all of us. Creativity is addictive. Nothing surpasses the thrill of sitting in front of a blank page or screen with an equally blank mind only to have a small incident, phrase or prompt trigger an imaginative spark deep with me.

Daily prompts have pushed me to open deeper artistic doors. Intuition, creativity and the Spirit bring everything together and words pour out of my subconscious. I simply start writing naturally, almost without effort. The words flow as fast as I can type. I do not think; I just type. As Ray Bradbury says,

Don't think. Thinking is the enemy of creativity. It's self-conscious, and anything self-conscious is lousy. You can't try to do things. You simply must do things.

"I do not plan my fiction any more than I normally plan woodland walks; I follow the path that seems most promising at any given point, not some itinerary decided before entry.”~John Fowles

"Writing became such a process of discovery that I couldn't wait to get to work in the morning: I wanted to know what I was going to say. ~Sharon O’Brien”

At the moment when I look within to find The Great Canadian Novel, I look at a blank wall. Yet it was only 9-10 months ago that I was just as clueless when I sat down to write a short story or an article. Who knows what I will discover, which door will open. It is exciting.

Hey I will report back next year, same place, same day, on January 22, 2014 and I will keep tabs on you as well.

Coming Around Full Circle

When you were 16, what did you think your life would look like? Does it look like that? Is that a good thing?

Outwardly, my life is diametrically opposed  to anything I could have imagined as a teenager. Yet this strange life I find myself living has brought me more fulfilment and joy than I ever could have imagined.
At sixteen, I was still an avid reader, who loved school.   As  expected, I completed an Honours Degree in English Literature. By 23, my life was still on track. I considered continuing my studies as a graduate student because I still loved everything about academia.  The relaxed but challenging experience of reading Chaucer and Old English in the original vernacular with only one other student in a professor's office was invigorating. This teacher was delighted to find two students interested in his life's work

I loved my life and didn't for see any changes. I had grown up with one sister, ballet lessons and a library filled with great fiction. I enjoyed gardening, painting and drawing, eating a vegetarian diet, reading spiritual literature and growing in my faith ; I was content.
Suddenly, my life as I knew it, changed dramatically.
I met Michael, who was just passing through Regina, Saskatchewan from Ottawa, Ontario to Prince George, British Columbia and from that very first, it felt like the prairie wind had swooped down and scattered all my work and plans. Michael described our first meeting in much kinder terms;   he saw fireworks when he first laid eyes on me.
I was not ready for this dramatic change in my life but it was clear to me that this was my call. So I baffled my fellow students, profs, advisors, friends and family by saying yes to the unexpected. I did not know anything about my newly chosen lifestyle or even where we would live. I did realize that I was completely ignorant and lacked even the most basic skills required to survive.
I became pregnant before our first wedding anniversary. Instantly, I began to panic because I knew, that once again, I was utterly unprepared. I had never even held a newborn! So I prepared in the only way I knew how and I read every book I could find on pregnancy, birth and baby care.
However all this studying did little to equip me to mother a fragile, completely dependent newborn. For example, as I held my baby in a small bathtub for his first bath, I was very nervous. Guess what? I had a book propped open with one elbow awkwardly holding it open to the right page, while my baby was in the baby bathtub on the table. The book was my security blanket. In fact reading at any odd moment I could grab a few seconds , strong cups of tea plus the mercy of God  and a wicked sense of humour have been my strength.
In the ensuing years, 18 spent pregnant and/or nursing babies,  I discovered fulfilment. My call, vocation and witness became the joy of mothering children. Perhaps I could have started  writing seven years ago when everyone was in school full-time but realistically there was simply too much physical work involved in running a household for eleven people and helping with the farm animals and our large vegetable garden.
Now I  have come around full circle because I  have started writing again. Just as I imagined at 16.  It just took 40 years of living a strange life before this avid reader and crazy oral story-teller was ready to start writing.

 

 

 

I had to smile through the whole thing, Melanie. I believe that God had plans for you from even before you met the love of your life. Your story, how you became a wife and then a mother, is so beautiful. I don't think I could tire reading it. :)

Maybe that is the beauty and mystery of life...that we do have a destiny to fulfil and often are not aware of it till it happens...

 

The Happy Conundrum

Credit: pixiedusthealing.blogspot.com

A quirky house, an odd decorating theme and lots of little people all add up to a hilarious lifestyle.

It is a conundrum that few can figure out. People look at my smiling face , their eyebrows shoot up, their mouths drop open and they sputter,

Your happy but you have 9 kids !!

There are all sorts of components to my life, my soul and joyful spirit but one aspect to my happiness is one that most people have never considered. Large families are hilarious. and their homes even more so.

First picture a large, 1886, quaint house with all sorts of quirks. A window became a doorway to a hundred year old addition. It must have been some one with an odd sense of humour who cut a 4 ft 10 inch doorway to the baby room into the low wall with a slanting roof. (In the pitch dark, I banged my forehead against that door frame every night for the first month when I walked into the baby's room at 2:00 am.) Three sets of steps converge on the upstairs landing.

The bathroom, added in 1949 when a local farmer installed electricity, is so tiny that the tub is not even 4 ft. long. The shallow well dries up all the time and we must order a load of water. The toilet water pump is in the barn, surrounded by hay bales but still manages to freeze in the winter. We employ ingenious methods to thaw the pump.

The list goes on but it all adds up either to frustration or comedy and the kids and I choose comic relief.

Oh I forgot. If you plug two appliances in at the same time in the kitchen the power shuts off and I resort to sending a kid running to the cellar (and yes I do mean a cellar with huge oak beams and 2 ft, thick stone walls). There are three freezers stocked with our home raised meat and vegetables are in the cold storage. The kitchen pantry is halfway under the stairs and is a frightening place to wander into.

The decorating theme is early childhood art and it is everywhere. Too many plants add to the sense of colour and an eclectic combination of furniture is very comfortable. Generations of former owner, who were all full-time farmers, believed in 4 inch spikes for building barns as well as hanging pictures.

Into this absurd house, picture 11 people living in 5 bedrooms with bunk beds, 13 dressers and huge trunks because half the bedrooms have old-fashioned hooks on the wall but no closets. I should not have to explain further except to remark that I once lost a grade 1 reading book for 3 months in a trunk with dress-up clothes!! That is all I will say. You can surely picture the chaos as I madly fling socks about in a 3 ft high wicker basket full of unpaired socks, trying to find a pair or two before school.

This is the background to all sorts of mix-ups, and mayhem. I reacted the only way possible.. I laughed. By laughing, that house became a very, very fine house with two cats in the most comfortable chair, a dog that tripped visitors by the door, goldfish on the counter and a guinea gig squeaking for food every time the fridge opened.

Welcome to our house. We love kids, animals and plants. We will even love you but watch out, do not trip over the dog and please, edge around that blanket fort. It took an hour to make yesterday!

Polite Company : Balderdash!

 

Credit: drunkgoodideasoberbadidea.wordpress.com

“It’s never a good idea to discuss religion or politics with people you don’t really know.” Agree or disagree?

As a child and young adult, my parents taught me that polite people avoid all discussions that involve politics or religion. Most people are passionate about both subjects and discussions often become heated. A well brought up person avoids any topic that is not nice. Only an ill-mannered dolt raises the ire of his friends, relatives and acquaintances by discussing religion or politics with conviction.

Balderdash!

I refuse to play games and hid behind a polite mask. If a discussion becomes passionate with someone I barely know, all the better. At least we are real. At least we care enough to prove our point! Many well-known writers have eloquently expressed this very sentiment:

“Politeness, n. The most acceptable hypocrisy.”
Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary

“Preserve me from such cordiality! It is like handling briar-roses and may-blossoms - bright enough to the eye, and outwardly soft to the touch, but you know there are thorns beneath,
Anne Brontë, The Tenant of Wildfell Hall


“Be not intimidated...nor suffer yourselves to be wheedled out of your liberties by any pretence of politeness, delicacy, or decency. These, as they are often used, are but three different names for hypocrisy, chicanery and cowardice.”
John Adam

Oh Lord, save us from nice, polite friends and please don't let me settle for being nice. It is so bland, without passion or even kindness. People crave connections, real heart to heart interactions no matter how well they know each other. A warm encounter can affect a stranger, perhaps even change the course of his life.

a comment 

You voted:   Score: 2

By HomeRearedChef on January 16, 2013 at 11:54 am

Three loud cheers to your bravery! AWESOME post, Melanie. Truly! I am presently writing a post that many would say I "shouldn't go there." It seem that everything these days is "politically incorrect." So how do I let the world know just what I believe in if I am afraid to speak to the world, afraid to be heard, afraid to be honest, afraid to be me?

Read more athttp://www.broowaha.com/articles/15668/polite-company-balderdash-#RXPlf2cIEsa3AwJT.99 

A Cautionary Tale For All Animal Lovers, Pushovers and Softies

Are you are an animal lover like me, especially when it comes to strays?

I know that in my case, just one piteous glance sends me scurrying for food, water and a comfy blanket, even if that stray is a mangy, flea-bitten, runny eyed, wild, tom cat. Well I think that after yesterday, I have become a bit more leery of scheming strays.
This summer, my heart went out to a neglected wild cat who hung around our acreage. At first I left out bowls of food and water for him that were away from the doorways. Slowly I moved the dishes closer. At first he was skittish but after a month he would at least come in and hide under the kitchen table. After two months he did not run away when I came close. Soon, he was on my lap purring and scrambling for more and more petting. He was starved for affection.
However, when the snow fell, Sam refused to go outside or use the kitty litter. I literally had to chase or sneak up on the mangy beast, to throw him outside to do his business. No, he preferred the earthen floor in our cold storage. And it stank. Our huge home reeked on all three levels.
After I managed to sniff out all this cat's indoor toilets, my husband decided that it was time to throw Sam back outside. Michael reasoned that Sam would eventually head over to our neighbours warm cattle barn and hunt all the mice he could eat.
A few nights later, when it was bitterly cold, I heard Sam scratching piteously at the door to the summer kitchen. I simply could not leave him out in -28 C weather. However, when we woke up, the stench in the house made our eyes water. I finally tracked down a rocking chair with a throw, a bed and a chair in the library that Sam had sprayed and urinated on! He had never sprayed before in the house, urinated yes but never sprayed. I washed blankets, a duffett, cushions and pillows in soap and vinegar and still had to throw out a chair and mattress!
Sam was furious at us and in righteous indignation he had punished us. Cats really do reign like mini lords, treating humans like their footman, lackey's and indentured servants.
"Vengeance Is Mine", Says The Lord...And The Cat.

Revised: Words of Wisdom

My youngest daughter coined this phrase and kept a W.O.W. journal for a few months. A friend joined her as they listened for words and phrases that snagged their attention. Well I have a bunch too. Some phrases are funny, others wise and some could just change your life.













"The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes. " proust

                                                                                           

"The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes. " proust

Who Needs a Teddy Bear When You've Got a Teddy Baby?

Credit: babybygender.com

There is something about a baby's open, trusting gaze that literally draws love from us.

A newborn can see clearly to about 8", just far enough to focus intently on his mother's face. It is almost as if the initiative to bond comes from the baby first, especially when I consider the fierce hand grip that they are born with. To ensure that an infant is fed, he is born with the rooting reflex. These traits help to draw out strong protective love from both parents. For me it was almost a magical transformation from an exhausted woman in labour to a glowing mother adoring her newborn.
When the kids were little, I literally had to watch the clock to make sure everyone would get a chance to hold their new sibling . I think the children bonded to each other because even a toddler was given the privilege of holding the baby. With excitement twinkling in their eyes, barely containing their joy long enough to sit still while I propped up one of their little arms with a pillow, they looked extremely proud and pleased as they too held the baby.
Bedtime became something to look forward to for about three months after the birth of our newest addition. I would wrap the newborn tightly in a warm blanket and let each child cuddle up to a living and breathing teddy baby. This quiet time, to be alone with their sibling allowed warm, nurturing, love to flow between both children and it eliminated jealousy The focus was no longer just on the baby but attention focused on an older child and the baby.
As I nursed, it was easy to give the older children my mental and emotional attention by listening, talking, reading books to them, helping with homework and even playing with play dough with one hand. I can honestly say that no one resented all the time each newborn demanded because we were all part of caring for the baby. Little ones were proud to run for diapers, clothes or blankets and older kids would choose rocking or pushing a colicky baby in the buggy over washing dishes any day.
One of our family jokes concerns the day I managed to relate to five people at once! I was laying down on our bed, back to back with my husband as he read and I nursed a newborn. A toddler lay curled around my head, playing with my hair, I was fixing a knitting mistake for a seven-year old and talking to a ten year-old. I am pretty proud of that statistic.

A WOMAN’S ALMANAC

On Monday’s we have a link up party, Catholic Woman’s Almanac or {CWA} for short. This is day book or an online journal blog post…Catholic Woman Style.

::Moments of Gratitude:  God is so patient, constant and true that the thought brings tears to my eyes.
::Pondering:  My youngest turns 18 today, an adult! Well actually people do not get their adult brain till they are 25. The last section of the brain to develop is the frontal lobe, the part of the brain that makes rational, sound judgments.. scary isn't?  Oh well,  I still have 4 who are 25 and under.  We have a special birthday party for the kids when they turn 25, partly in jest, partly serious.

::Creating :  I have started to gather and sort some of my 140 posts to begin the rough format of a book. I am doing this slowly so it is exactly what the Lord wants. I need to write connections and further articles to explain and flesh out my mandate. It’s fun. My mandate from God has been :

• THE JOY OF MOTHERING  NINE CHILDREN
• This is Your Call
• This is your vocation
• This is your Witness to the World

It is a message that confounds the world because they cannot fathom how a mother of nine can be happy.

::Listening to:  The voice of God within.

Not a lot of words.

We grin at each other.

::Wandering Around the Web:    Foundation Life has published five poems and six articles. It is gratifying to connect with the editor because I was worried that my articles and stories might not be orthodox enough. Even though I fully embrace the Magisterium of the Catholic Church, my experiences are not run  of the mill. For one thing, I am a convert who can relate to a Protestant mind. Sometimes I write  a Catholic truth in language A protestant will not react negatively to.

::Looking Ahead:  I am crocheting wedding shawls for a niece’s wedding in two weeks. I need grace to finish on time.
::Captured:  It is really winter here. Beautiful but cold. Perfect for staying inside by the wood stove and writing.

When Marriage Feels Like a Meatgrinder

Why is there conflict with our partner? Coming out of the closet.

The funny thing is, it is only when you face a crisis in your marriage and seek counselling, that anyone mentions  all marriages go through the meat grinder stage.
In fact marriage is the perfect set-up for conflict. Put two flawed people together from opposite traditions, backgrounds and expectations who love each other and watch them" let their hair down". Both feel secure. They trust the other and so they relax their polite facades. Soon their wounds begin to surface. Usually they only react and blow up with each other. They push each other's buttons. Then the natural thought is,
"I've made a terrible mistake. I need a divorce."
Wrong, in most case.
Conflict is the sign that you have made the perfect choice because people only show their dark side to the one whom they love and who loves them. Crazy? Nope, not when you understand the process. What nobody tells us when we get married is that we draw out the negative from our partner. Marriage is a threshing floor, wine-press and meat grinder all rolled up into one.

 We are truly our worst with someone we trust . When I have felt stabbed in the heart, figuratively speaking, by my husband's treatment, I looked for the name on the handle of the knife that pierced me. I fully expected to see my husband's name on the handle of the knife.  I was shocked to see my name, in black and white letters... MELANIE.
Why?
Because I needed to blame him and act like the suffering victim, scapegoat and martyr. When I  rejected  this victim complex, drained my pain and let go of tough walls of recrimination, then the natural process had  chance to heal both of us.  The truth still is that both of us were and still are wrong and need to mature and  grow in love.

p.s. I good friend, a fellow writer who calls himself  Nothingprofound  at http://mydailyaphorism.blogspot.ca/offers this great  insight on conflicts in marriage.

nothingprofound:  When people make huge demands on you, like solving their problems in life, you know deep inside you can't do it, and that makes you feel uncomfortable and inadequate. So it's natural to want to escape from that situation. Some people try to fulfil that role, to become the saviour  but just wind up becoming miserable martyrs and feeling victimized. The most loving nature doesn't respond well to unreasonable demands; all it feels is its own limitations, its own impotence.