The Flu While Flying Solo

A writing, soul sister who I met on Blogher, jokingly started  this poem by rewriting one of my articles . She chopped out all the flub words from a prose short story. I was swept up in the spirit of revision and kept writing. inerertoldher  writes at thegirls

.

I could feel my body relax

As I curled up

In my favourite chair.

1 through 4

Were all tucked in

Hubby had gone out

Alone.

At last.

Smiling to myself

I began to read

Savouring the words,

Enjoying the

quiet.

But, then I heard it.

‘The noise’

You know…

I threw the book

Ran upstairs

To my daughter’s room..

Too late.

Vomit.  Everywhere.

Poor baby.

Cleaned, changed,

Lovingly tucked into my bed.

To the laundry room

Heard it again.

Running…

Too late.

Vomit.  Everywhere.

Poor Baby.

Cleaned, changed

Lovingly tucked into her bed

with the nice clean sheets.

Back to the laundry.

Heard it again

Take three, take four

Vomit. Everywhere.

Mounds of stinking laundry

Meanwhile,

Number littlest, # 4 woke up

Back to the baby…

One step, two step,

Where did he go?

I slipped and almost fell.

Number 4 had found 3 litres of oil

And dumped

ALL of it

He was rolling in oil,

Splashing with glee.

My mouth

Dropped open;

I almost cried

Instead

Hysterical giggles bubbled up

Then gales of laughter.

I leaned against the wall

Slowly sliding

Till I sat

Laughing till my sides ached

Legs stuck straight out

Slippery baby,

Dripping in oil.

Bathed him

Nursed  back to sleep.

Scooped up oil

Washed the floor

Again and again

Husband returned

Slipped

Sent Flying

Arms Flailing

Legs Scrambling

Almost crashing to the floor

“Gee Mel, What happened ?”

I glare.

Throw up my hands and bellow

Aaaaahhhhh!

Barnyard Cliche's

Clichés become clichés for a reason. Tell us about the last time a bird in the hand was worth two in the bush for you.

Anyone who raises birds, especially chickens can answer this question quite easily. The quick comeback would be

"The last time this cliché was True? Why today and everyday I have anything to do with those dim-witted but strangely adorable hens."

Every spring, once the weather was warm enough and the chicks lost their down and all their feathers had come in, we were forced to literally pick up every single little chicken and throw them out the small door into their fenced in run. As soon as they were off the slanted plank walkway, they tried to scramble back in. Since we raise free range chickens it was of paramount importance that they spend their days outside. In fact after about ten minutes we could not convince them to go back into the large chicken coop because they relished the weeds, bugs and scratching the dirt for tiny seeds and grain which we scattered around everyday.

Now this Operation DDDD Chicken Day had to be planned and manned by at least 6 kids plus myself. It took a few years to perfect our plan of attack on the cowering mass of chicken chickens. Nothing is more frustrating than catching a bird, while trying to herd out a couple more, only to loose all three. You must understand that we are talking about 175 meat birds, bred to eat voraciously . Our final method involved at least one or two children outside, preventing a mass retreat back into the chicken coop and also prevent clustering around the door. Basically it was a crowd control issue.

Inside four kids shoof and stretched out hug sheets of plastic to herd the birds in the direction of the hatch and I grabbed them one by one and pushed or threw them out the door. You cannot possibly imagine how many Ducked, Deeked, Dodged and Dived out of our hands. In frustration we often would try to grab two birds but trust me folks,

a bird in the hand was worth two in the bush

The Mind

All You Can Do Is Laugh

The strange, quirky, amusing behaviour of mums

You realize that you have truly morphed into a mum when..

The song you find yourself humming is not one of the top ten but Skinamarinky Dinky Dink Do, I Love You.

You need a pen; all you can find is a crayon, a broken pencil and a dried up magic eraser.

You hear a baby cry in the grocery store, then start to gently sway back and forth, back and forth.

The scene in Dumbo, when his mum is taken away makes tears come to your eyes and you break down during Bambi.

Your car is a mess, filled with face wipes, spare sets of clothes, toys, snacks, books and portable car games.

You are out for a romantic meal with your husband, enjoying some adult conversation, when you suddenly realize that you have reached over and started to cut up his steak.

It does not even phase you when a little person, urinates on you, vomits(even if it hit you in the face) and infant diarrhea stains your clothes.

A good day is when you can get in the shower, dress in real clothes and brush your teeth before noon.

You have memorized entire books of irritating rhyme by Dr. Seuss.

You find yourself looking for bugs whenever you go for a walk, even if you are alone.

A Woman Is Like A Teabag

A woman is like a teabag. You never know how strong she is  until you put her in hot water.

Eleanor Roosevelt

I found this quote from at http://www.raigecreations.blogspot.ca/

Humour Helps: Kids and Housework

• First fact to accept as a new mother: Kids are messy. In fact mothering is messy so you might as well laugh about it. Getting frustrated  is a waste of energy. Getting angry over reality simply upsets everyone. So laugh. Trust me, it works.
• 
  

 Accidents and mishaps are simply part of every day life when you live with kids, so plan on all your plans falling apart.- melanie

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.  ~Phyllis Diller, Phyllis Diller’s Housekeeping Hints, 1966

LET KIDS HELP: THEY WANT TO WORK WITH YOU

 

LET GO OF PERFECTION- melanie

Positive attitudes

It’s all in the attitude – housework is exercise.  Slim your way to a clean home! ~Linda Solegato

A secret to housework- don’t over think, just do it, with the kids. One of my two-year old vacuumed the living room just with the hose. It took 3o minutes but it was clean when she was done!!

if you clean your entire house every day for 2 weeks, at the end of two weeks it will be clean

if you clean your house once a week for 2 weeks, at the end of two weeks it will be clean

if you clean your house at the end of the two week period,at the end of two weeks it will be clean

First and last rule concerning housework and kids..laugh. Laugh at yourself, the kids, the mess and enjoy the irony.

The Horse Shall Dine in The Kitchen.

Living on a hobby farm with a crew of kids provides a wealth of material for a story teller.

Our farm animals were so full of character, their antics alone will be the subject of many upcoming stories. Of course, the kids were always entertained by the farm animals but my husband and I were as well. Michael especially enjoyed his intelligent pigs, believing that when animals felt loved, they related to people in extraordinary ways. It is true that when my husband scratched, behind his beloved pig's ears, they actually fell asleep.

There was Daisy, our goat, and our pony Starlight who both tried to get into the house because they considered themselves part of the family. Actually, one, huge, ancient horse named Moonlight did manage to get into the kitchen to visit for a while. I must admit that our farm animals repeatedly proved Michael's theory about the power of love.

Consider Daisy first. This goat did not like living in the barn. Although she produced milk like any normal goat, she also wanted to relate to people because she was a socialized goat who had a charming personality. If she hadn't seen anyone in a long time, she'd bleat until someone at least poked their head out of the door and talked to her. She would have made more friends if she had quit eating my flowers or stealing little people's' hats and pulling on their scarves. Consequently, most of the time we tied Daisy to a post so she could see family life but not cause too many problems. However, a couple of times a week we let Daisy follow us around in the garden. As long as she mainly ate weeds, we let her hang out with us.

Starlight, a bratty pony, was usually fenced in the pasture or in the barn and couldn't get into as much trouble as Daisy. As soon as he was in the yard, though, he always tried to open the door to the house by biting the door knob either before or after the kids had ridden him. Once he actually managed to turn the handle and open the door, much to everyone's' delight. However we made sure he didn't pull that stunt again because it was not easy dragging him out. That pony had a mind of his own.

Now as mischievous as the pony and goat were, old Moonlight, the magnificent Arabian stallion, was a patient push over. This gentle giant let toddlers run under him, a three-year old child feed him carrots, two or three little people sit on him and little girls braid his mane and tail, all at the same time. Through the entire ordeal, Moonlight barely flinched. If he balked at all, I would look him in the eye, pray that peace and love soothe him and he immediately calmed down. One afternoon, Moonlight was plaintively looking through the window. He looked so forlorn that all the kids begged to let him step in for a cuddle. I finally relented, inviting the huge animal to step into the kitchen to eat a carrot and soak in a bit of love for a while. Moonlight then passively followed us out afterwards.

Strangers did not think that our cat was not normal either. She always curled up beside our hunting dog because he was soft and warm. We thought nothing of this behaviour but it was a conundrum to local farmers. Several commented that they had never seen anything like it. Perhaps there was a bit of heaven on earth on our hobby farm and natural enemies became friends. I like to think that the Holy Spirit flowed from our hearts into the land and swirled around, soaking into and transforming our animals' personalities.

The cat shall lie down with the dog.

The goat shall weed the garden.

The horse shall dine in the kitchen.

A Quaint, Quirky House

Welcome to our house. We love kids, animals and plants but watch out! Don't trip over the dog laying in the hallway.

The kindest description for the house where we raised our nine children, would be quaint. Picture a sprawling, two-storey house built in 1886, with all sorts of quirks. Three sets of steps converge on the upstairs landing as the result of creative home renovations. A window became a doorway to a hundred-year old addition which then needed its own set of three steps before anyone could get through this new doorway.    

Someone with an odd sense of humour cut a 4 ft 10 inch high doorway to the babyroom, squeezing it under the slanted roof. (When I walked into this room in the pitch dark, I banged my forehead against that door frame every night for the first month after we moved in). 

That doorway needs another set of three steps off the landing to reach the threshold of the bedroom. Logically, the two shortest people in the family shared this bedroom.The most absurd design feature, though, is the fact that there are six doorways leading out of the formal dining room and another six to the outdoors.

The bathroom, added in 1949 when a local farmer installed electricity, is so tiny that the tub is not even 4 ft. long. I must have a sadistic streak because the times I have laughed the hardest concern my husband and this bathtub. Once I stumbled upon him wedged in the tub with his knees drawn up, trying to keep water off the floor as he rinsed his hair with a princess shower head. I laughed so hard that I ended up on the floor. My husband did not even smile.

Laughter is usually my weapon of choice against the irritations life throws at me but is difficult to laugh at our shallow well which dries up continuously, forcing us to get a truck load of water from the neighbouring farmer. The toilet water pump is in the barn, surrounded by hay bales but still manages to freeze in the winter. We employ ingenious methods to thaw that pump but when it doesn't work we pail in water from an old fashioned pump ourside.

I simply must whine about one more irritation. If you plug two appliances in at the same time in the kitchen, the power shuts off and I resort to sending a kid running down to the cellar to turn the power back on. (I do mean a cellar, with huge oak beams and 2 ft, thick stone walls). That cellar is home to three freezers stocked with our home raised meat and vegetables are kept in the cold storage room. The kitchen pantry is tucked in under the stairs with shelves and old-fashioned hooks to hang aprons and cloth bags of flour, rice and sugar.

The decorating theme of this unusual house is Early Childhood Art and it is everywhere, on the fridge, on cupboards and walls. Too many plants add to the sense of colour the eclectic combination of furniture is at least comfortable. Generations of former owner, who were all full-time farmers, believed in 4 inch spikes for building barns as well as hanging pictures, So those 4 inch spikes dictate where mirrors and pictures hang because they refused to come out of the old plaster.

The list of quirks is even longer long but it all adds up either to frustration or comedy and we choose to laugh. Yet we also love this quirky house with its thick, pine plank floors, wide wood wainscotting, original door knobs and engraved hinges and stained-glass window.

Now into this absurd house, picture eleven people living in five bedrooms with bunk beds, 13 dressers and huge trunks because half the bedrooms have old-fashioned hooks on the wall but no closets and there is no linen closet. Organizing the clothes and belongings of eleven people is not an easy task without proper storage. I should not have to explain further except to remark that I once lost a grade one reading book for three months in a dress-up bin. You can surely picture the chaos as I madly flung socks about in a 3 foot high wicker basket full of unpaired socks, trying to find a pair or two to throw over the banister to a child rushing to pull a coat and backpack on before running down our long lane to catch the schoolbus.

This is the scene for all sorts of mix-ups, and mayhem, many of them cause by the house itself. I reacted the only way possible,I laughed. Our laughing transformed that house into a very, very fine house with two cats in the most comfortable chair, a dog that tripped visitors by the door, goldfish on the counter and a guinea pig that squeaked for food every time the fridge opened.

Canadian Snow Humour

As I sit by the wood stove, with the wind howling all around our old house, I am toasty warm. However our water pipes to the upstairs shower, toilet and laundry room have frozen for the fifth time this year. This has rarely happened in previous years. The temperature is -27 C with the wind chill. So naturally I want to talk about the weather like the good Canadian that I am because it is a proven fact that discussing the weather is a national pastime. This sort of Canadian discussion is typically a combination of complaining and bragging all rolled into one rant!

by melanie jean juneau

Great Quotes About Children

Dr. Seuss, authour

“A person’s a person, no matter how small.”

Nelson Mandela,

We owe our children, the most vulnerable citizens in our society, a life free of violence and fear.”

“There can be no keener revelation of a society’s soul than the way in which it treats its children.”

Albert Einstein -

The pursuit of truth and beauty is a sphere of activity in which we are permitted to remain children all our lives. 

- Anonymous 
 “Children are great imitators. So give them something great to imitate.”

Barbara Bush, former U.S. first lady“

You have to love your children unselfishly.”

English proverb

The soul is healed by being with children.”

                                                                                    John W. Whitehead, founder, Rutherford Institute

“Children are the living messages we send to a time we will not see.”

Frederick Douglass

 It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.

The most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then stop.

Mark Twain  

Mohandas Gandhi,“

If we are to teach real peace in this world, and if we are to carry on a real war against war, we shall have to begin with the children.”

Emma Goldman, author“No one has yet fully realized the wealth of sympathy, kindness and generosity hidden in the soul of a child. The effort of every true education should be to unlock that treasure.”

Lady Bird Johnson, former U.S. first lady

“Children are likely to live up to what you believe of them.”

 Mignon McLaughlin, journalist and author

“Only where children gather is 

there any real chance of fun.