Gratitude: The Secret Key to Happiness

Once I start thinking of what I have to be grateful for, I could go on forever. Perhaps that is why I am basically joyful. Afterall that is what everyone from cognitive therapists to priests during sermons to self help gurus keep trying to get through our heads. When we are thankful and grateful, we are happier and more content. Period.

I even read a book, written by a monk, that claims that gratitude is the key to opening the door to the spiritual life. I have discovered that this is true. So come with me. Stop for a moment and think of just a few of the hundreds of things that you are grateful for and join us with a gratitude list of your own.I will help get your mind moving in the right direction..

My Gratitude List

• I am happy that I have all my limbs, that I breathe on my own, that I can see and hear and basically that my body is healthy
• I am of sound mind….. ummm . that depends on who you are talking to but from my perspective, I am in deed of sound mind.
• Somehow we managed to raise 9 great kids and I am proud of each one of them, even slightly flabbergasted that they turned out so well
• I am grateful to be the grandmother of 4 and three quarters grandchildren who are strikingly gorgeous!
  

Reflections From The Bathing Grandma

Yes, my new title is the Bathing Grandmother because I know how to bathe newborns without making them cry.

How I move and speak and handle newborns is automatic after mothering nine children. I learned intuitively, by trial and error and of course from books. In fact one of the biggest jokes in our family is about the time I bathed my oldest child for the first time.

I was nervous about bathing a newborn. It is hilarious to admit now but I actually had a book propped open with one elbow awkwardly holding it open to the right page, while my baby was in a bathtub on the table. The book was my security blanket, I guess.

My new husband, who was the second oldest of ten children and completely relaxed with babies, walked through the kitchen, shook his head in disbelief and said quite wisely,

“Melanie, there are some things you just can’t get out of books.”

The Bathing Grandma’s Bathing Tricks

How to bathe a newborn…

• without making them flail about in terror.
• so they relax and enjoy the warm water
• so they remember being in the womb.

First rule is not to bathe the baby like the nurse showed you in the hospital. My son tried that, wiping the baby from back to front just like the nurse had and the baby cried just like he cried in the hospital. Nurses are wonderful people but they have a lot to do and are efficient. Babies do not like efficient baths.Don’t treat babies like objects or bath time like a chore. Relax, talk and relate to this new little person in a soothing, calm voice that reassures him that he is safe, loved and protected.

My daughter-in-law asked me to do the next bath and she was thrilled that her baby did not cry. She ran downstairs to tell my son all the things I had done differently than the hospital. I am delighted to have some claim to fame. so here are the  time-tested strategies for a happy bathtime for infants.

The bathing room should be draft free and warm, even hot. A bathroom is the easiest to close off and warm up, even if it is with shower steam. Make sure the water is deep enough to cover the baby’s entire body because when the chest and tummy are exposed, the baby feels vulnerable and is also cold .

The main trick is to move slowly and keep body contact with the newborn. That means bending over in slow motion as you lower the baby into the water, still hugging him, even when his bottom touches the water. You can place either a very warm  face cloth over his chest or a hand on his tummy as he slowly relaxes in the water. Also the water should be quite warm. This sounds crude but think how hot your own urine is..that is how hot the amniotic fluid was in the womb. When the water does not feel warm enough, babies stay tense and don’t relax in the tub.

So basically my advice is to relax, enjoy your baby, move slowly and keep him warm and he will love his bathtime almost as much as you do!

Help! Mum Was An English Major!

I am a happy anomaly; a quirky mother, book lover, gardener and now a new writer. I was born an old soul, according to my mother and spent most of my childhood  buried in a book.If there is nothing to read. I have been known to desperately scan the backs of cereal boxes or phone books.

I once casually mentioned, to no one in particular, that I was simply an ordinary mum, when the diningroom fell silent. “No, I am sorry, Mum, but you are definitely not ordinary; you are the furthest thing from a normal mother”, remarked one quick-witted daughter. Everyone broke out laughing including that daughter but I am still not sure if I was insulted or praised that day.

However, there are benefits to having an English Major for a mother. When you are little, you always have lots of books in the house and someone willing to read them to you. And when you are older one of the best family chores is to relax and read to a little person. In addition, you cannot help but become remarkably articulate, with an extensive vocabulary.Words  just soak into your brain like osmosis. My kids were often annoyed when they had to stop and explain words they used with their friends.”Oh”, I’d soothe, “extricate” is a very small, common word; I am sure it just slipped their minds.”

The formal language required to write essays came as second nature to my kids, while their peers struggled not to use slang or the new texting lingo.Although sometimes the boys did not share my enthusiasm when I helped edit their essays or became too excited over beautiful Shakespearian quotes that I had discovered for them , “DAD!”, bellowed my oldest one evening as he huddled miserably over the keyboard,”She’s really getting into this stuff again!”

Once as I described the exploits of our marauding, masked raccoons, my brother-in-law raised one eyebrow in my oldest daughter’s direction. She grinned and retorted, ” Yup, that’s par for the course. Now you know how we have been brought up!”

When I become upset, my vocabulary increases exponentially. At one meal, visibly distraught over a few comments, I actually stood up to respond. Once again the room fell silent. Another one daughter spoke up, “Wow, mum, that was really impressive!”.

My youngest is the most hilarious example of the perils facing a child whose mother is an English Major; everyone jokes that she was a min me from the time she was two-years old.

The school bus was not scheduled to pull up for another twenty minutes but six-year old Rebecca, my youngest child, was pulling the kitchen door open, hoping for some free time before school. As the door open, I looked up.

Before I could comment,Alison , one of her many older sisters, whipped around and remarked,

”Rebecca, did you try to do your hair again? The part’s crooked. Come over here and I will fix it for you.”

Claire entered the kitchen at the same time and looked her little sister up and down,

” Mum couldn’t have picked those clothes for you to wear. The top does not match your sweater. You’ll have to change or keep the sweater buttoned up all day.”

Hearing all the commotion, Mary yelled from the bathroom,“Rebecca, you forgot to brush your teeth again!”

Rebecca suddenly threw her arms up into the air and huffed out in exasperation,

“All right, all right everybody. Quit trying to dismember me.”

A Mum's Philosophy

My philosophy on children: treat little people with respect for their feelings, likes, dislikes and personalities .

As a mother of nine kids, people often ask me, “How on earth did you manage without any help? “

1.Focus on the joy of parenting, not on everything we are giving up to raise a family

2.Mothers, remember, we have one of the most important jobs in the world because we forming the next generation

3.Accidents and plans fall apart every day, so laugh because laughter cuts through anxiety, anger and frustration, bringing us back to reality

4. Praise works; berating usually backfires. Give good behaviour lots of attention because children WANT our attention and will do anything to get it.

5. No need to run around like crazy people, putting our children in every single program. Free time, allows the imagination to surface .

6. Listen to the baby. Read his expressions and body language. In fact become a baby whisper and life will be much calmer.Babies are not idiots or dolls.

7.House work comes second; the happiness and welfare of your family comes first. Don’t fight everyone trying to run a perfect home. It is okay to leave a blanket fort or block tower up overnight, when I know they will play all morning with it.

8..Let children learn to do things on their own, like dressing or feeding themselves even if they look a little odd. Their pride will shine brighter than our need to look like a perfect mum.

9. Put our kids needs first . When I ignored their limits of endurance, I created either a clingy shadow or a screaming monster.

10.Slow down. Let our little ones set the pace. Stop and look at bugs and pretty weeds .

Barnyard Cliche's

Clichés become clichés for a reason. Tell us about the last time a bird in the hand was worth two in the bush for you.

Anyone who raises birds, especially chickens can answer this question quite easily. The quick comeback would be

"The last time this cliché was True? Why today and everyday I have anything to do with those dim-witted but strangely adorable hens."

Every spring, once the weather was warm enough and the chicks lost their down and all their feathers had come in, we were forced to literally pick up every single little chicken and throw them out the small door into their fenced in run. As soon as they were off the slanted plank walkway, they tried to scramble back in. Since we raise free range chickens it was of paramount importance that they spend their days outside. In fact after about ten minutes we could not convince them to go back into the large chicken coop because they relished the weeds, bugs and scratching the dirt for tiny seeds and grain which we scattered around everyday.

Now this Operation DDDD Chicken Day had to be planned and manned by at least 6 kids plus myself. It took a few years to perfect our plan of attack on the cowering mass of chicken chickens. Nothing is more frustrating than catching a bird, while trying to herd out a couple more, only to loose all three. You must understand that we are talking about 175 meat birds, bred to eat voraciously . Our final method involved at least one or two children outside, preventing a mass retreat back into the chicken coop and also prevent clustering around the door. Basically it was a crowd control issue.

Inside four kids shoof and stretched out hug sheets of plastic to herd the birds in the direction of the hatch and I grabbed them one by one and pushed or threw them out the door. You cannot possibly imagine how many Ducked, Deeked, Dodged and Dived out of our hands. In frustration we often would try to grab two birds but trust me folks,

a bird in the hand was worth two in the bush

Profound Truth Discovered in Children’s Literature

Most parents read to their kids for years.  Faced with the prospect of reading the same book over and over, they will naturally chose something that appeals to them and not something they find boring or even irritating. The best kid’s books are books that adults love as well.  In fact classic kid’s books are ones which convey universal truth in a charming but profound voice, a voice which pierces the heart, mind and soul of parents as well as their offspring. These are the books which are read again and again, treasured from generation to generation.

Antoine de Saint Exupéry, The Little Prince

J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan

The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease forever to be able to do it Peter Pan

Madeleine L’Engle, A Wrinkle in Time

Kevin Henkes, Lily’s Purple Plastic Purse

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Even More Snow and Even More Canadian Snow Humour

It snowed yesterday….again. And it will  snow tomorrow..again. Now don’t get me wrong, it is not always snowing in Canada but those are the days that it is cold, very cold. Usually the deep freeze hits in mid January but this year it hit in November and stayed. Our pipes to one bathroom and our washer froze twice in the last three years and at least 8-10 times already this year alone.

I am choosing to laugh instead of cry but for some, with propane prices doubling this fall, they can hardly afford to heat their homes. The United Way is running campaigns just for those heating with propane on fixed incomes who simply cannot eat, pay for medicine and pay for propane. Supposedly Ontario sold too much propane to the States to dry their record-breaking corn crop, but Sarnia also produced 30% less fuel last year so there is a shortage of fuel.

WHY?

I find it quite suspicious that after so many of us rural dwellers switched to propane from oil, the big fuel companies seemed to manage to double propane prices.

I do not usually rant about big business but, I will couch my bashing with humour.

the city snowplows just filled this poor man’s driveway BUT I can’t help Laughing at the look on his face

From A Mother’s Heart to Her Children

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his first quote, especially, speaks to me and for me to each of you. As a mother, I know  these words are true for me; I would not have come up with them on my own consciously but they reverberate deep in my heart, surprising me as I tear up every time I read them.

All I Ever Needed to Know …

All I ever needed to know , I learned in Kindergarten, from my mum….and from Dr. Seuss. If  leaders of countries  and the  heads of corporations practiced what they learned as small children, the world would be happier, healthier and more peaceful. Perhaps people in power should listen as Dr. Seuss and I talk to my children.

You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose.

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Share and others will share with you.

More toys won’t make you happier.

Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It’s not.

Always say please and thank-you.

When you are grateful and thankful for  even the smallest things, you will be happy.

.Don’t take offense quickly or every insult  and slight personally; sometimes other people simply are having a bad day and take it out on you.
Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.

You can.create something beautiful today out of nothing when you are creative.

Pick up after yourself., don’t leave a mess.

Always do your best.

Don’t give up but finish what you started.

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Think left and think right and think low and think high.Oh, the thinks you can think up if only you try!

Always take the smaller portion when you are offered a treat.

Admit when you are wrong.

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You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.

Ask questions if you don’t understand.

Don’t brag.

Don’t take yourself too seriously.

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Today you are you!That is truer than true!
There is no one alive who is you-er than you!

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If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.

Say your prayers every night to reconnect to life, light and joy.

Remember that friends might come and go but family will always be there for each other.

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Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened

.Try something new a few times before you decide you don’t like it.

Don’t pick fights or act like a bully just because you are bigger.

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Maybe Christmas … doesn’t come from a store.

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Learn something new today.

Be true to yourself. Don’t try to be someone you are not.

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A person’s a person, no matter how small

.Always give others the benefit of the doubt.
Wash your hands before you eat and brush your teeth afterwards.

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Being crazy isn’t enough.

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Mean what you say and say what you mean

You catch more flies with honey than vinegar.

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So be sure when you step, Step with care and great tact. And remember that life’s A Great Balancing Act.

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Go play and have fun.

Forgive other people because you make mistakes too.

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From there to here, and here to there, funny things are everywhere.

‘When we try to control people we steal their identity so quit being so bossy.

Cover your mouth when you cough and don’t spread germs.

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Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it’s a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope.

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Tell the truth.

One lie will lead to another

Put yourself in the other person.s shoes

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Why fit in when you were born to stand out?

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Have a bath every night

Laugh lots.

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“I’m afraid that sometimes you’ll play lonely games too. Games you can’t win ’cause you’ll play against you.” 

Get enough rest so you won’t be cranky.

Don’t be afraid to try something new.

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I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living.

Eat healthy snacks.

Live in the present moment

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The more that you read,the more things you will know.
 The more that you learn, the more places you’ll go.

Take off your dung-coloured glasses and look at the world clearly.

Look for people’s good qualities rather than pointing out their faults.

Don’t over use credit cards.

joy of nine9 at paper.li

Articles from 10 different sources at joy of nine9/paper.li 

Are You an Octopus Parent?

A major pitfall facing all parents is the tendency to control and not guide our children.

When my family was still young and I had only 7 kids from 12 years old to newborn, I earnestly strove to raise good kids. Yet all my effort was actually hindering their development My anxiety and control acted like a barrier, a fortress around my children. I was in fact a stumbling block to my kids inner, natural, organic growth into well-balanced, gifted people.

I did not take subtle hints, so a powerful inner image rose up from my subconscious that symbolized what I was actually doing by refusing to let go of control.

First I saw an ocean and a tiny black dot in the water. Slowly the image grew larger till I was face to face with a huge octopus.
The scene switched and now 7 tentacles wrapped aroun

d each of my children with my husband in the eighth. All of them were grey, limp almost lifeless.

Since I am spiritual, my imagery was religious but the same principle applies to all parents. Jesus appeared in a blaze of light. Brandishing a sword, The Lord severed each tentacle one by one. As soon as each child was set free, they began dancing and laughing in the sunshine.

My husband lay on the ground wrapped tightly by the remaining thick tentacle. We all kneeled on the ground, weeping, desperately pulling and tugging the tentacle but to no avail. Suddenly, Jesus stood at His feet and in a flash of the sword of truth, my husband was released and came back to life.

I was the octopus.

Sometimes we just need to “let go” of the things that we worry about (i.e. our children, loved-ones, or family members) and put our TOTAL trust in God. When we are able to do that, we (and the people we care about) can then truly experience the freedom of living! I read a quote that said something like… the worst sin against another human being besides hate and murder is trying to control and manipulate them because you are stealing their real identity, molding them into a false image.

The Power of Words

 Words have the power to flow like liquid sunshine into the shadows of our hearts.

 The perennial test, to decide whether a person is a pessimist or an optimist is to show them a glass of water similar to the photo and ask them to describe it. They will answer either that the glass is half full or half empty. This exercise seems ridiculous at first glance but our answers really are telling and can give us a wake-up call.

Do I wear clear, rose or mud coloured eye glasses when I look around? Therapists believe that failure to recognize our foibles and faults is 90% of our problems. If we are brave enough to look at ourselves with clear, fully transparent eye glasses, we can change. When we are desperate enough, we take our feet off the brakes that prevent inner growth and jump-start a process that takes on a life of its own.

Words, especially descriptive words are powerful. What comes out of our mouthes really does help bring sunshine or shadows into our lives and those around us. Even without applying cognitive therapy, by simply catching ourselves using overly negative adjectives, we really can change our emotional reactions to life. Let’s pay attention to the words that come out of our mouths, especially to our children. We are helping shape not only our future but the future of the next generation.

 Words have the power to flow like liquid sunshine into the shadows of our hearts.

Switcheroo: You Want Me to Pretend?

Daily Prompt: Switcheroo. If you could switch blogs with any blogger for a week, with whom would you switch and why?

How could I possibly step into another writer's shoes and take over their blog for a week, especially if I had to assume the tone, voice and opinions of the author? I suppose some people can imitate another writer and function as a ghost writer but I would fail miserably because I write intuitively, from my soul and almost subconsciously, not from my intellect alone. If I tried to copy another’s writing idiosyncrasies, the result would be stilted, boring drivel without any spark of life in it.

Writing on another blog would be like wearing another person’s clothes without alterations, leaving me feeling like a kid playing dress-up in a famous writer’s clothes or else like an adult writer pretending to be a kid writer. An even better analogy would be taking over a stranger's home while they were on vacation and touching and using everything as if it were your own. Such a disregard for another's privacy is the greatest invasion. No, switching blogs for a week is not a good idea.

Every writer has a unique voice that stands on all the writers that have gone before him. Every writer assimilates what he has read and studied combines this education with his own character and emotional make-up and life experiences to create a new writing style that is all his own. Viva la difference.

Ant Like Behaviour

I have often thought that much of my life resembles the life of an ant, a worker ant, not the queen.

Ants scurry about, eyes trained on the ground in front of them, hauling loads of food that are bigger than they are. They are completely oblivious to the world around them, fixated solely their own tiny society. Often this narrow viewpoint leads to disastrous results, with whole colonies wiped out of existence when the macrocosm surrounding them crashes into their little world.

Unfortunately, it is impossible to communicate with an ant, or to warn an ant of danger. Any offer of help frightens them because an ant perceives anything that intrudes into their microcosm as a threat. I cannot help an ant because I cannot communicate with him.

I have often thought that much our life resembles the life of an ant. I run around busy with tasks, keeping my nose to the proverbial grindstone, oblivious to the realities of the rest of human society never mind the universe.

When nature or the Spirit tries to break through to help me, I panic, feel threatened and run away, returning to labour in my little microcosm where I feel safe. ..My earnest striving is counter productive because it isolates me from larger realities that surround me.

Fortunately, God is better at communicating with me than I am at communicating with ants. He only needs a sliver of an opening in my heart, a quick glance in His direction or a fleeting thought to make a connection with me. In fact God became one with all of us, in a sense he became the equivalent of an ant, so He could speak, touch, love and become visible to”ants” on earth.

So everyday, I am choosing to turn to God and break out of my ant behaviour. He has healed me enough. I AM free enough to choose now

The Mind