The Opposite of Love is Not Hate

 Sometimes as a parent I think that I am doing what is right

Instead I damage my kids

despite the best of intentions.

Love really has blinded m

 try to protect instead control,

betraying trust.                                                                      

Control, an ugly word,

worse that hate;  

it steals another's sense of self, undermines confidence, 

stunts growth, kills the individual's spirit and creativity

forgive me

A Real Life Joke

.My maiden name is Myers. 

Question: How many Myers Women does it take to drive a car in my mum’s retirement town?

Answer: Three

"Three?", you gasp, "But how is that possible!"

Ah, well, quite possible when all three women either refuse to drive, are reluctant drivers or simply cannot drive a car at all. This is not some anti-female slur. I am simply relaying the facts.

The most important person in this triad was my sister, Elizabeth, the chauffeur by default, driving the intimidatingly large, luxury machine. Incidentally, the car's owner was bed-ridden, suffering more over concern for his beloved vehicle than over any leg pain following major surgery.

Clutching the wheel, Elizabeth drove in circles in the parking lot until she could find a spot where she could drive straight through to the next row because she refused to back out when she left. Also, she could not seem to turn right into a narrow spot, reasoning that it was much simpler when she turned left; she was least able to see directly out her side window without relying on mirrors.

However the situation which caused most anxiety was the fact that Elizabeth was not familiar with my parent's small retirement town in the midst of the Rocky Mountains. She constantly asked,

"But, Mum, I need the street name where I need to turn or at least an idea of how far up this main highway I have to go."

The second most important person was my eighty- one year old mother who was not exactly sure how to answer that crucial question.

"Well, let's see. When I walk there, I cut across the back parking lot, kitty-corner, walk for about thirty minutes, turning right and then left on a side street and there it is!"

"But Mum, is it east or west?"

"Well, I turn right at first, so..um.. the street is east of here, I think. Yes, east, I am sure of it."

"Okay. Now, do you at least remember the first letter of the street name?"

However, my mother was suddenly distracted, since her main concern was watching for on coming traffic or indeed any vehicle within blocks of us,

"Elizabeth, watch out! A car is coming!"

"Mum. Focus. Please. Is it beside any large stores like The Bay?"

" I'm not sure."

"Okay. Try to remember the first letter of the street name."

Now this was where I came into play as I perched on the edge of the back seat with a map, calling out suggestions,

"Perhaps it is Lancaster Avenue. Does that sound familiar, mum?"

Then I started to laugh, long and hard because this really could be a scene in a poorly written situation comedy. However this was real life and that transformed this ludicrous scene into a situation that seemed even more hilarious.

When Elizabeth started to chuckle as well, we pulled over and stopped the car. Swallowing our mirth, the three of us studied the map till my mother's memory seemed to click back into place. We set out once again, a bit more confident of success this time

The Thinking Man’s Winnie-the-Pooh

The bear without a brain was actually quite profound.He tells adult readers to stop, look, listen, and learn from nature, animals and little children. Intellect isn't as important as heart and intuition.

Poetry and Hums aren't things which you get, they're things which get you. And all you can do is go where they can find you.

“I am a bear of very little brain and long words bother me.”

"Yes," said Piglet,

"Rabbit's clever." 

"And he has Brain." 

"Yes," said Piglet, "Rabbit has Brain."

There was a long silence. "I suppose," said Pooh, "that that's why he never understands anything.”

“Something feels funny. I must be thinking too har

“Some people talk to animals. Not many listen though. That's the problem.”

 

Did you ever stop to think, and forget to start again?”

“Well,” said Pooh, “what I like best — ” and then he had to stop and think. Because although eating honey was a very good thing to do, there was a moment just before you began to eat it which was better than when you were, but he didn’t know what it was called.”

 

 

A Preschooler’s Theological Debate

 A theological debate between two preschoolers

“Someone just called my name. I think it was God!”

It was early evening We often played musical beds at bedtime because the younger children liked the security of a sibling or two falling asleep with them, especially when older brothers and sisters were still up and having fun. So it happened that I was laying down on Emily’s bed nursing an infant while she played with my hair and sucked her thumb. Five-year-old David was almost asleep across the room. His breathing was slow and deep. The only other sound in the peaceful room came from a fan that created just enough white noise to drown out the other kid’s voices.

David suddenly sat straight up in bed, popped his eyes open and yelled excitedly,

“Someone just called my name. I think it was God!”

Emily took her thumb out of her mouth and lisped,

“Who is God?”

I turned my head to look at her and smiled, “You know, God the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.”

Emily was still puzzled,

“You mean the priest at church?”

“No”, I responded, “The God that fills the whole universe.”

Emily took her thumb out of her mouth and said very dismissively,

“Oh, Himmm. I know Himmm.”

Then she closed her eyes and stuck her thumb back in her mouth.

Discussion closed.

I barely held in my laughter. This little squirt took for granted her close relationship with the Living God, King of Kings and Lord of Lords. God is close to babies and little children. His relationship with them is not complicated, as natural as breathing. They are simply His children; He loves them and they reflect love back.

David interrupted and added joyfully,

“Well, He called my name!”

Emily opened her eyes and stated very authoritatively but in a nasal, little girl voice,

“It was just your imagination, Daaave.”

Then she closed her eyes and started sucking her thumb again.

David was upset. I countered her statement,

“It could be God, Emily. The Holy Spirit lives in our hearts and does communicate with us.”

David was satisfied and he lay back down to sleep.

But Emily, with her eyes still closed whispered to me,

“It was just his imagination!”

Then she popped her thumb back into her mouth.

Discussion closed.

Comic Drama: Shopping with Teenage Girls

Her older sister rolled her eyes and sputtered,” Do you want to know what kind of dress she wanted me to buy?!”

It was and still is an educational experience for one of my adult daughters to shop with a younger sister. After a particular stressful shopping trip, they would stumble through the door, complaining about their hard to please sibling. Typically,they’d roll their eyes and sputter,

” Do you want to know what kind of dress she wanted me to buy?!”

In response to their tirade I’d laugh,

“Oh, we understand what you just went through ! Now you know what your dad and I went through with YOU.”

I remember scores of tragic-comic dramas as we shopped with our daughters. One example is particularly telling. One of my daughters was just thirteen and about to graduate from our country elementary school to high school. Since I was still surrounded by little people and laundry, Dad volunteered, quite innocently, for the shopping expedition into the city.

Four hours later, she barged through the kitchen door, glared at me and announced very dramatically,

“I am never shopping with him again!”

She stomped through the kitchen and slammed the solid wood door to the hall behind her with a dramatic flourish.

A few minutes later, her father slipped through the front door, shoulders slumped and silently communicated his exhaustion and defeat.

“So”, I queried tentatively, “How did it go?”

Michael sighed and began to describe one scene in a dress shop.

 He had picked out a few pretty dresses which he felt were appropriate. Holding up a flowered print dress with a high, round collar, he called out to his daughter,

” This one is very pretty.”

Our daughter responded by rolling her eyes dramatically,

“Daaad…that’s way too childish.”

The sailor style dress that Michael thought was perfect was similarly dismissed.

Then, our thirteen-year pulled out a black, spaghetti strapped, slinky, black dress and squealed,

“Dad, this is exactly what I am looking for!”

Poor dad sighed but allowed her to try the dress on.

She emerged from the dressing room complaining,

“It makes me look fat.”

Right then and there, my poor husband’s only desire was to sink into a deep hole because the store attendant and her customer both weighed about 300 lbs. each.

Both women chimed in and exclaimed to our 115 lbs. teen.

“Oh no dear, I don’t think you look fat at all!”

Somehow,everything always seemed to worked out. On this occasion, it was Melissa, an older sister , to the rescue. She borrowed a cream coloured dress from a friend, embossed with swirls and a Chinese styled collar that was decent but not childish. The dress delighted our daughter and calmed my husband’s nerves.

“Do you want to know what kind of dress she wanted me to buy?!”

Oh, we know, sweetie,we know.

Rose or Dung Coloured Glasses?

Do I wear clear, rose or dung coloured eye glasses when I look around at the world, other people and myself? I can be full of self-pity over my circumstances or I can take a step back and take stock of all that is right in my world, all that I can be grateful for. The effect is almost like waving a magic wand because my feelings can change  from morose to joyful when I can be thankful for the fact that I am alive, I can see and hear and walk.

.

The perennial test, to decide whether a person is a pessimist or an optimist is to show them a glass of water and ask them to describe it. They will answer either that the glass is half full or half empty. This exercise seems ridiculous at first glance but our answers really are telling and can give us a wake-up call.

Words, especially descriptive words are powerful. What comes out of our mouthes really does help bring sunshine or shadows into our lives and those around us. Even without applying cognitive therapy, by simply catching ourselves using overly negative adjectives, we really can change our emotional reactions to life

Gratitude and thankfulness are like removing dung coloured glasses and seeing reality in a whole new way, through clear glass. Words of praise, words of gratitude shape our response to life. Let’s pay attention to the words that come out of our mouths, especially to our children. We are helping shape not only our future but the future of the next generation.

Words have the power to flow like liquid sunshine into the shadows of our hearts.

The Wiring in My Brain

The wiring in my brain lacks certain vital circuits.

After years of struggling against my basic intellectual wiring, I have finally accepted that there are large black holes in my brain that deal with technology and even simple mechanics. I am content to manage our large home, renovate, garden and landscape and write. I do not care one whit that the kids laugh in disbelief because I cannot figure out the T.V. or cell phone.

Case in point.

I am a woman who has done little travelling. After 12 hours of travelling across three-time zones, on three different airplanes, connecting with a shuttle service and making it to my parents condominium entrance without mishap, I could not get in. This was my first visit where my dad admitted that he cannot drive safely in the dark. The first time he did not usher me in, carrying my luggage. Although I remembered their condo number, I did not know the access code to connect with them and I do not own a cell phone. The intercom system kept telling me to scroll down to access the list of occupants but for the life of me, I could not figure it out. I could have cried in frustration because the complex seemed deserted.

Since I did not want to stand around looking like an idiot, I lugged my heavy suitcase, carry-on and purse as I trudged through gardens, rocked strewn areas till I finally came around to their patio at the back of the complex.Their railing was so high, I stumbled as I hauled my bags over it and I had to balance on a rock to reach high enough to swing my leg over. Then one leg became wedged between the railings. It is a miracle that I finally stood in front of their patio door and knocked.

The look on my 82-year old parents’ faces was worth all that hassle. It was priceless. I laughed and laughed as my mum completely commiserated with my lack of techno-smarts and my dad patiently tried to explain the intricacies of scrolling down.

joy of nine9 Paper

If I can do create a newspaper, ANYONE can. Trust me; creating a paper is easy. Just install a bookmark for paper.li, click on it while on any article on the web , click yes for photos, choose which paper to put it in, click once more and voilà. The article is now included in your newspaper. Paper.li is one site where I feel more in control , choosing exactly which articles to publish, gathering  articles from ten different sources where I am published.

https://paper.li/mjmjuneau/1373913996

Hope is the Thing With Feathers

Hope is the thing with feathers

That perches in the soul

And sings the tune without the words 

 And never stops at all. 

Emily Dickinson

Only in the darkness can you see the stars. Martin Luther King Jr.

Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up

and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. Anne Lamott

 Hope is the physician of each misery. Irish Proverb

Connecting With Our Baby’s Souls

Although I am a mother of nine and a grandmother to four and soon to be five grandchildren my encounters with these new grandbabies continues to startle me. 

My daughter-in-law was bouncing baby “Daniel” who was fussy and uncomfortable with the typical two-month old digestive problems. He was glassy-eyed and in pain, half crying, half complaining about life as he was held with his back leaning against his mum. I bent down and called out to him “Daniel”. Immediately he snapped to attention and looked me right in the eye with an uncanny intelligence, a piercing look that gave me a jolt intially.Then I started to explain, in a calm voice, that I understood his frustration. His whole body stopped moving, he froze in concentration, soaking in my love and my words and he started to smile, not only with his mouth but his eyes twinkled as I spoke.

” I know it is rough being in this helpless, fragile body where even digesting is painful. I understand how hard it must be when you can’t talk or really communicate clearly but I promise you that it is going to get better. In a month or so the colic will pass and everyday you will discover new ways to communicate to all these adults.”

I knew, that Daniel knew, that I knew that he understood every word that I said. I was speaking to an “old soul”, an intelligent person not a dummy. His expression spoke volumes;  he was obviously thrilled that someone connected with his core, his soul or spirit.

We know from medical research the newborns recognize their parents voices  and as Christians where are told the we are known by God even in the womb. Western society is finally waking up to the fact that we can talk rationally to newborns and not cute nonsense like they are idiots. Babies need adults to talk to them, to really connect with them, communicate and dialogue with them as equals before God, fellow humans with dignity and worth.

I won’t repeat earlier posts about infant’s intelligence or my experiences as a “baby whisperer”but I must repeat the words of C.S. Lewis because they continue to reverberate within me,”You do not have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body.” We are body, mind and spirit.

Mary Fredal  adds an important reflection on LinkedIn. Wonderful post by Melanie Jean Juneau ! … ”You do not have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body.” -C.S. Lewis … While this article is about little babies, but the same is true for every single person, including those at every age who cannot speak with us due to disability or infirmity or trauma, and including those who can speak… Let your words and deeds speak to a person’s animating, internal soul and not just their external body which houses their soul…

Buster Gets Zapped

People often wonder if animals have souls; if 'all dogs really go to heaven' . I don't know all the answers to these mysteries but I do know that our animals responded to prayer and to love, especially divine love. Local farmers were always amazed and delighted by the personality and affection our pets and farm animals demonstrated with other animals, amongst themselves and to people. Buster, a springer spanie, was an excellent example of how our animals received love.

Buster was a depressed neurotic when we first took him in to our home and our hearts.

This springer spaniel had lived a happy country life until his owners divorced. Unfortunately, for the last two years he had languished in the garage of a townhouse during the day and slept crated at night. Buster was lucky to get two quick walks a day on a leash, no less. For a dog, such an existence was equal to solitary confinement in a maximum security prison.

The first month on our farm, Buster ran off all his extra weight and started to act like a normal dog. The former owner phoned us a couple of times, certain that we would be fed up with Buster's obsessive compulsive habits. Honestly, most of his irritating traits vanished as he began living the normal life of a typical dog. Although we were all surprised by Buster's quick transformation.

However, my husband and I noticed that Buster still need inner healing from his traumatic prison sentence. So he decided to pray over the dog. I laughed at the idea but not for long. As Michael's and my hands grew hot, sensing the flow of the Spirit through us to the dog, Buster started panting; he was getting hot as well. My eyes sprang open, my eyebrows shot up and I looked at Michael. His eyebrows were raised even higher than mine. Michael chuckled,

"It's getting hot, isn't it Buster?"

Buster just panted faster, his eyelids grew heavy and he started swaying. Michael encouraged him,

"It's okay boy. Just relax."

Suddenly Buster keeled over sideways. I knelt and peered into the dog's face,

"He is out cold!"

My husband and I looked at each other and started to laugh. We could hardly contain our amusement. To use Pentecostal or Holy Roller terminology, our dog was slain in the Spirit. So much for the theory that such behaviour is the result of mass hysteria or subconscious conditioning.

Tender Tidings Spring 2014 AVAILABLE! Free!

I wrote an article on gardening with kids in this issue. It is posted on CAPC

At last, the spring issue of our FREE parenting magazine, Tender Tidings, is available for viewing!  Our special topic is Education Options.

This is honestly the best issue yet.  You’ll find tons of ideas for living a joyful, radiant life with your family.  Definitely check out Marcia’s article on doing the Stations of the Cross with kids!

A few changes in this issue:

• The special topic is limited to just one section.
• New columns:  Kim will write a regular column on one of the Building Blocks; Marcia has a new column on ways to bring the faith to our children in fun, hands-on ways.

Click on the Flipbook to view on Catholic Attachment Parenting Corner

PDF is also available from Flipbook mode.