Want To Be Happy? Delight in the Little things.

We all want to be happy. The secret is to  consciously take off jaded glasses, stop and look around. There is a lot be grateful for . I heard of a fellow who hated his job, so he tried to find something to be grateful about every day and started to write his discoveries in a blog.  He hit a nerve in people because soon he had a huge following.  He is now writing a book at the request of a publisher.


 I discovered the same secret after years of  mothering tiny children. They taught me to take delight in the plethora of tiny details all around me because little kids are born with a sense of wonder and the ability to enjoy little thing. Now I am the type of person who notices and remembers details. These stories for example pour effortlessly from my heart and mind. Repeating a conversation, verbatim, just comes naturally because the details remain vivid in my memory

My daughter's seem to retain an appreciation for detail and she remembers the little things.

A friend of mine once asked Melissa, when she was about six, what she liked most about Christmas. Mara replied immediately,

 "The Pineapple."

Martha was astounded.

My adult children were remembering their childhood and Mara said, 

" I always remember the fresh smell of clean sheets every week."

Such a small thing, yet a child, with a heart full of gratitude, takes great pleasure from it.

Another time Mara was recounting how pleased she was with a plant in her garden. Realizing that she was enjoying such a small thing she laughed,

"Oh my god, I am sounding just like Mum.

Another daughter and  her husband of three months  celebrated their marriage with a huge wedding reception for two hundred people. Mara has planned every detail from the match covers to the large buffet. Most of all, she  poured her creative spirit into making all the decorations by hand with sisters and friends. From green wheat grass in planters, tissue paper flowers in greens and plum to spray painted hydrangeas in purple, sliver, black and lime green. She is creative and can make the most from the least. Everything is gorgeous and perfect in every tiny detail.

The things that raise my spirits are usually small and most people would not consider them significant. For example, one Christmas I was very tired and only one gift sparked joy, real euphoria. It was hand crocheted dish clothes from my friend Cathy. ..dish clothes, beautifully made, colourful, something I used a hundred times a day.

Perhaps this is one of the blessings of a large family; the ability to retain the child's sense of awe and to delight in and to remember the little things.

A Mum's Rules To Live By

1. Ignore the bad and praise the good.

2. Don't get upset over messes.

3. If it's not broken, it probably should be.

4. Bored children never stay bored for long, so don't worry about it. They will pick up a book or pencil .

5. Kids teach you what is really important in life.

Anything that gets in the way of caring for

little people and loving them is expendable and doesn't  matter in the long run. When your house is empty and silent, then is time to buy fragile collectables and  become involved in hobbies, important time consuming careers or causes.

" I'm Bored."

Many modern parents enrol their kids in vicious cycle of classes, activities and sports to ensure that they will  push past all rivals and snatch the best scholarships in the best schools to prepare them for wonderful careers.  However, when these kids graduate and enter the work force, employers are not impressed with them.  Their bosses complain that young employees  feel they are automatically entitled to the best jobs and perks but  are unwilling to start at the bottom of the ladder and work for the privilege of promotions.

I was a mother of a large family on a hobby farm who could not afford to put all my kids into many activities. So I raised them the way children have been raised for centuries with chores and plenty of time for free play.  I discovered that children should not be kept busy all the time. They need time just to  relax, even time to be bored because that is when creativity and ingenuity are born.

Surrounded by babies and toddlers, I was not always free to run and solve every obstacle my kids faced as they played. At first, I frantically scrambled to  run and help my  kids with a problem with a newborn in my arms and perhaps a toddler wrapped around one of my legs.

Finally I just could not do everything at the same time. That meant that my other kids had to wait for me or try to figure out snags by themselves. Loud  shrieks for mum gradually grew less frequent because impatience was a wonderful self-motivator. While waiting for assistance, my kids often solved their own problems.

Six year old David is a prime. His grade1 teacher recounted this story to me. It seems  that she asked

her grade one class this question,

"How would you open the garage door if there were no grown-ups around?"

Everybody just stared blankly at her, except for six year old David. He  frantically waved his hand in the air and then  excitedly blurted out,

"You just stand on a milk crate,  push on the upper left-hand corner of the door with a hockey stick and push hard. The door comes up a bit, you jump off the crate and crawl in!!"

Then, David beamed proudly.

You don't have to solve all the logistic problems for your kids or provide all the best equipment and toys. Mara was about ten and at the family cottage with a cousin. Every game she suggested, her cousin would point out that they lacked some piece of equipment. After a moment to think, Mara would brightly say,

"Well, we could always use this instead!"

Her aunt and uncle laughed and remarked,

 "I wonder whose daughter she is?"

Ingenuity and creativity spring into motion if

everything they could ever possibly need is not handed to our kids before they even know to ask for it.  I loved watching card board boxes magically transform into cars or doll houses, especially when little people asked older siblings to help them and everyone became excited and involved in the project.

Today my adult kids are self-starters, self-motivated and they are all creative at work, school and at home

I give all the credit for those qualities to boredom.

Joyful Chaos

A glimpse into the life a a large family.
Picture this scene.

 Five- year old Anthony is leaping off the fourth stair in the front hall,  wearing his usual uniform which consists of a black cape, purple Batman sweatshirt and his 'Mountie' hat. This ensemble is his salute to his three heroes- Batman, Zorro and Canadian Mounties.

Three year old Lucy carries a huge, old purse stuffed

with cut pieces of paper and fake money.  She is trailing behind seven year old Katie who is trying to make a scrapbook. Rachel is in the same living room playing "Magic School Bus" on the computer and Emily is upstairs changing her clothes yet again, as she has since she was two years old.

Dave and Matt are building a lego plane across the hall in the family room but eighteen year old Matt is the brains behind the construction and has completely taken over. Matt loves lego but, please, he really is only helping his younger brother.
Mara is on the phone and Melissa is listening to music that is way too loud while leaning over the upstairs railing and complaining about life.

 Michael , my husband is tending the farm animals outside... and me?

Why I am putting in the fourth load of laundry that day and planning a folding marathon where I sort laundry and literally toss each kid their own clothes to fold.

 Guess what?

 I learned to be happy in the chaos.

 I don't have a living room; I have work and play areas. A table in the living room is covered in a 1,000 piece puzzle ad the coffee table is Katie's craft station.

There are goldfish on my too small counter, a huge dog trips anyone walking through the door and the cat thinks she owns the most comfortable chair in the house and I warn you, do not try to move the queen! My kitchen walls, fridge and cupboards are covered with all kinds of art and scribble art and I have  way too many indoor plants.

One day my father-in-law tripped over our dog (who did not move,

by the way) and he gruffly asked me,

"What is that dog doing in the house? He should live outside."

I laughed and said,

 "Welcome to OUR home. We love kids, animals, plants and even you. Just come on in!"

Everything Was A Big Deal

In a family of eleven, everything is a big deal.

Just to feed, clothe and house the eleven members of our family required energy, stamina, organization but most of all patience and goodwill.  Everyone's input was vital and important to our family, especially right after dinner because dishes, kitchen clean-up, homework and homework assistance, lunches, bath time, story time and bedtime all begged for attention at the very same time. 

Of course, no task was simple. For example, making sandwiches  for school meant lining up twenty-two pieces of bread and preparing each sandwich with a particular person in mind because I did want them to actually  eat the sandwich. Even peanut butter sandwiches were made with jam or not, with thick or thin peanut butter, with butter under the peanut butter or not. A component of this chore was often a survey of the crew to see who wanted what in their lunch.

 If that procedure wasn't daunting enough , someone had to make sure that everyone had clean clothes and shoes to wear the next day. There were indoor and outdoor school shoes, decent runners and play runners, rain, barn and winter boots, skates, both play and good sandals, slippers, shoes to wear with dresses and dress shoe for the boys. This abbreviated list adds up to about TWO HUNDRED AND SIXTY-FOUR individual shoes with the potential to get lost, wet, dirty or become too small.

Of course it was an especially big deal when the seasons changed because we had to sort and put away the shoes that weren't needed for a couple of moths and decide which shoes were worn out and which ones could be passed down or were still big enough for the current owner.

I can still hear Emily yelling out as she organized the shoes,

"Anthony, you really don't want to keep these, do you?"

Anthony would protest,

 "But Em, they're so comfortable. I like them."

Emily would retort,

"Fine, but if they get any worse looking, I am throwing them out."

 However it was bath time, grooming time, story time and tucking people into bed  that took a lot of creative problem solving abilities as well as a big investment of time. On bad days it became an assembly line. I would add hot water to the tub and the next little one would hop in and start playing as they waited their turn to be washed. Meanwhile I dried a little body , brushed hair and set up a tooth brush for the clean child. They proceeded into the family room and Dad would put on a diaper if  it was needed and pyjamas, then cut finger and toe nails. Then the clean and groomed kid would hop up on the coach to look at books while waiting for a story.

Bedtime!

 I hung quilts over windows and used fans  in the bedrooms to create white noise to block out household noise that could disturb a younger child who needed more sleep. Another tactic that helped soothe kids to sleep was to tuck them in beside an older sibling who was reading in bed . Any fears or loneliness disappeared with the older siblings comforting presence.

Whenever we had a newborn baby, bedtime was transformed.  Kids couldn't wait  to climb under the covers because I would wrap the baby up tightly in a soft blanket and gently place her beside them. I can still see my childrens' delight as they gazed at the baby and the content, satisfied expression on their faces as they slept cuddled up beside her.

Basically though, even if  I could operate like an efficient machine, if I was stressed and tense, nothing went well because my little kids picked up on every emotion I experienced. Even if I was not aware of my emotional state, the kids reacted to my vibes.

Seriously, it seemed that I was a combination of a juggler and an illusionist or magician.

During this time, I could not tolerate everyone's "awe" of a mother of nine. They would gush,

" Oh Melanie, you must have so much grace."

I thought,

"If one more person tells me that I am going to scream or vomit!" I felt that I was operating on caffeine from tea and my own stubborn drive and their praise was grating on my nerves.

Then one night around 3:00a.m., while rocking a baby,  I heard within me,

"You don't have a clue how much grace I have poured out on you."

That put me in my place. The peace, joy and love in our family had a LOT more to do with His Spirit, than any of my strategies or patience!

A fun personality "test"

Write down your four words in comments. I will do the same, so I don't influence anyone.

Listen

A Photoblog- My Spring Gardens

I love gardening, especially with my fingernails right in the soil. I can go outside feeling completely exhausted and once I soak in all the feeling of life in my garden and allow my eyes to drink in the green scenery, I feel renewed.

      



Daffodils



To the left of top picture- opposite side of the house, steps to lawn, fruit trees, 30 white pines and creek.



Columbine off stone patio with bench



stone wall. I hauled hundreds of rocks from our property and I am still not done.



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White bleeding Hearts



If I Just Take A Moment To Look Up

Although I have a simple digital camera, these photos capture the glorious colour and drama that exists just above my head.

I simply need to remind myself to glance upwards, above my little busy world  and enjoy the gift. It is an extravagant present that continually fills me with the joy of life if I remember to take a break from my "important" business. 

 This is the view above that brightens our day and gives us perspective!  It is so important to LOOK and to share because it connects us to God and to each other . 

Different is Good.

ALL children need  lots of free play time, even boring times to discover who they really are, what they are good at and what they like to do. Our daughter, Katie became the philosopher/ artist  she is today partly because I didn't have time to try to "normalise" her or the money to put her in a constant cycle of sports or other after school activities. 


Katie was completely unique as a child with amazing concentration. While four year old little boys were struggling to print or draw, my second youngest daughter would cover sheets of paper with tiny intricate drawings at 18 months old. Once she drew at least fifty  tiny "eyes"  while she stood on a chair and leaned over that paper, in deep concentration, for half an hour.

After we bought her a chalkboard  for the Christmas, just before she turned two, she was so oblivious to everything but her drawing that she kept drawing her little designs off the chalkboard in a line on the wall and kept going around the corner. We laughed so hard at that example of her quiet passion.

When Katie was a newborn, her hair was thick, black and stood straight up on end and her eyes were huge and very dark brown; they were almost comical  looking the way they popped out in a constant look of surprise. Those eyes seemed to study everyone and everything. Her hair became brown with gorgeous blond highlights that looked like she had streaked her hair but she still has those big, brown eyes that study everything.

How did this toddler fall asleep?
Why by cutting tiny triangles out of magazines until she passed out, child proof plastic scissors still in her hand. I'd gently remove the scissors and cover her with a baby quilt. Once a week I'd sweep up a whole overflowing dustpan of tiny triangles! When I wanted Katie to help, she'd be so absorbed in a craft or art work that she would not even hear me.

My daughter really, really marched to her own tune and I am grateful that our lack of extra cash gave her the freedom  and opportunity to discover her talents on her own.

Turn Off The T.V. and Computer

The best thing we ever did, while raising our children, was turn off the T.V. and computer and hand them pencil and paper, blocks, lego, a book or a cardboard box.

 ANYTHING is better for a child's mental, physical and emotional health than sitting passively and staring at a screen.

Birthday Breakfast

I started the day out right! I ate a poached egg, no extra fat, a cup of strong tea AND A BUTTER TART!
My kids, gardening, someone else cooking and a glass of wine will make the day perfect.
In addition, it is sunny, warm and a large snapping turtle is laying her eggs among my boccoli plants this very moment.

What more could a girl ask?

My Infant Was Loving ME!

Want to know a secret, a secret few people seem aware of?
Living with little people keeps you young if you allow them to teach you how to live.  However, I did not discover this truth at first.

As  an expectant mother, I braced myself for the marathon that was to come by reading everything I could get my hands. I was tense, serious and tended to concentrate on pouring out love and nurture to my newborn with little thought of my own needs.  It was an exhausting regime of nursing, burping, changing, bathing, rocking and soothing with perhaps two hours of sleep before the relentless routine started again. It was in these early , hectic years  that I desperately attempted to carve out quiet time to sit and replenish myself but it rarely ever worked out.

One day while nursing one of my babies, I experienced a powerful surge of love pouring into my heart from my baby to me.I started smiling, heaviness and exhaustion lifted and joy started to bubble up from deep within.
My baby was loving me!

The ramifications from this discovery were life changing. I discovered that if I relaxed when my baby gazed into my eyes with his guileless eyes, a hidden source of energy flowed from my baby to me.This attitude of allowing my children to love me into new life has allowed me to discover the joy of mothering. 

Our Dog is BRILLANT Enough To Act Dumb

Labs are often trained as guide dogs because they understand complex commands and have the ability to remember up to one hundred and fifty of them.

I could complain  for this entire post about my still not trained chocolate lab who is brilliant enough to act stupid when it suits him. However I will limit myself to two antidotes and then I will astound you with his gardening skills.

We adopted Duke (Marmaduke) when he was nine months and he stubbornly clung to several bad habits  that were just too much fun for him but a pain in the neck for us. For example,  he constantly leaps up literally in my face, to engage in some sort of mock fighting. Since he is only 14 pounds lighter than I am but all muscle, he is the definite victor in these contests of strength.  After one frustrating encounter, I harshly commanded Duke to stay "down" and to "sit"  about ten times. I finally threw up my hands and said,

"Oh, why don't you just go get a toy instead of attacking me?"

Duke suddenly stopped in his tracks, his ears perked up , he looked at me with wide opened eyes and then quickly put his nose to the ground and began to search for his hidden toys! All of us were shocked, especially since it now works every time.

Another secret weapon that halts mock fighting is an invitation .

"Come on up and cuddle instead of attacking me."
These words instantly transform Duke into a passive lap dog. After a couple of hours, of sharing a crowded couch with a monstousity of a dog,, one of my daughters pushed Duke off the chesterfield when he refused to move. The intelligent dog's reprisal? He purposfully stuck his tongue in her coffee while maintaining eye to eye contact,  slurped and then turned right around and stalked out of the room.
Way too smart for a beast!
No wonder labs are trained to be finely tuned, obedient guide dogs.

For all his faults, Duke is an excellent gardener. I know that this seems to be an absurd statement but trust me. I speak the truth!

This last fall I was pulling out old grape vines around our property. Duke pushed me out of the way as I struggled to dig up roots and he proceeded to dig furiously with his front paws. Very impressive.

 As I pruned  over head branches, often I only managed to cut half way through the branch. I'd tug and pull but it was Duke's who deserves all the credit for finishing the pruning. He'd leap incredibly high, grasp the errant branch with his teeth and then hang his whole ninety pounds on the branch. that dog saved me hours of work.

Now if we could only become smarter than our dog, all would be well.

May Flowers

I am trying NOT to post but spend time away from writing But I must posts pictures from my garden. I will add more tomorrow.

Early May Tulips                                         White bleeding hearts

                                        

 Late April Daffodills

      Planted annuals on Mother's Day with my daughters

WHAT! Not One Seat On The Jet Plane For Me?

...our journey through life can be compared to this scene.

We are in the airport, waiting for a jet plane to fly us to our oasis but a plane never seems to land for us. Meanwhile, there is a camel tied to the fence, with our name on it, waiting to take us across the desert.

Our Farm Animals Think They Are Part Of The Family

Living on a hobby farm with a crew of kids provides a wealth of material for a story teller. For example, our farm animals alone were so full of character, that there antics will be the subject of many stories. Of course, the kids enjoyed interacting with the animals but we did as well. My husband  especially liked his intelligent pigs and always maintained that when animals feel loved, they relate to people in extraordinary ways.In our experience, this premise proves to be correct.

I must admit that when my husband scratches, behind the pigs ears, they actually fall asleep. Our goat Daisy and our pony Starlight tried to get into the house because they considered themselves to be part of the family and one, huge, ancient horse  named Moonlight actually did manage to get into the kitchen. 

 Daisy did not like to be stuck in the barn because she was a socialized goat who gave us milk but she also wanted to be  friends.  I must admit that she did have a charming personality. If she hadn't seen anyone in a long time, she'd bleat until someone at least poked their head out of the door and talked to her. She would have made more friends if she had quit eating my flowers or stealing the little peoples' hats and pulling on their scarves. Most of the time she was tied up but a couple times a week, we let her follow us around in the vegetable garden. As long as she mainly ate weeds, we let her be part of the family.

 Starlight was usually fenced in the pasture or in the barn and couldn't get into as much trouble as Daisy but he always tried to open the door of the house by biting the door knob either before or after the kids had ridden him.  Once he actually managed to turn the handle and open the door, much to every ones'  delight. However we made sure he didn't pull that stunt again because it was not easy dragging him out. That pony had a mind of his own.

Now as bratty as the pony and goat were, old Moonlight was a gentle push over, who let toddlers run under him, three year old children feed him carrots and two or three little people sit on him,all at the same time. Through the entire ordeal, Moonlight barely flinched.Once he was plaintively looking through the window. I let him step into the kitchen to eat a carrot.  He passively followed us out afterwards.

 I like to think that The Spirit flowed from our home into the land and swirled around our animals. Many farmers were confounded by the sight of our cat curled beside our hunting dog. Several farmers commented that they had never seen anything like it. Perhaps there was a bit of heaven on earth on our hobby farm and natural enemies became friends.

A Perfect Poster: When Everything Is Falling Apart