Let Me Guess: Daddy Dressed Her

When a writing prompt asked what was the weirdest thing about my health, the question stumped me until I realized that my good health is weird; I mean, I had nine kids but I am tiny with the best good cholesterol my doctor has ever seen and such low blood pressure that if it was any lower I would drop dead. not one but three doctors have repeated the same words. This good health is a pure gift.

My husband and I halfheartedly followed natural family planning but I am a rare case; I have conceived 5 DAYS

before ovulation. As my wonderful doctor once said,

“Ah yes, there was a woman in New Zealand who conceived 5 days before ovulation about two years ago. “

I raised my hand and said, “Add me to that list.” My body does not follow the rules.

I also deliver 3 weeks early because my babies would be nine to ten pounds. if I didn’t. Although I am tiny, my deliveries were all natural without drugs or ripping and tearing. After short labours, I feel great with little pain.I am blessed with comical circumstances surrounding many of my pregnancies and births. Take my eighth delivery.

 Our doctor had warned us to come into town immediately with my first labour pains because that baby was going to come quickly. Dr. H met me outside the hospital, helped me out of our old van, into a wheelchair and literally ran past admitting with a huge grin on his face yelling,

“Sorry. No time to admit her. I’ll do the paperwork for her after the delivery. See you later!”

He was still chuckling in the elevator over the shocked expression on the admitting clerk’s face. We moved slowly out of the elevator and Dr. H peered around the corner to check the nursing station. He sighed happily,

“Good. The head nurse is on coffee break and no one is in the natural birthing room. Olga is going to have a fit when she sees your stats on the board and that you are in here!”

He laughed loudly this time as we darted into the softly lit room. Michael walked in a little later, holding eighteen-month-old Grace, her pink, frilly sun-suit on backwards, straps crossed across her chest with her nipples peeking out. Even though I was in the middle of labour, I was embarrassed. The obstetrical nurse, noticing my reaction, looked over her shoulder at my toddler as she was held by my husband, turned back to me with one eyebrow raised and said, “Let me guess. Daddy dressed her.”

Ann Marshall pastel & paper collage