Why Did You Have So Many Kids?

my oldest daughter is ducking behind her dad and I am pregnant with our ninth child

The very existence of a joyful mother of nine children seems to confound people.

When the words The Joy Of Mothering popped into my head as a title for my short stories it was like an epiphany for me because those few words verbalized my experience living with little people. The very existence of a joyful mother of nine children seems to confound people. However, it has been far from easy, rather it has been a long journey through confusion, guilt and public condemnation to reach the point where I can now shout loudly,
"This is my call, this is my vocation, this is my witness to the world."

After the birth of our fourth child, Michael and I struggled to understand exactly how we were meant to live our lives. We were discussing an article by an author whose main premise was that letting go of control and trusting in God was not some abstract principle but a day-to-day practical call that included the surrender of our fertility. Of course we practised natural family planning but I was one of those rare people who could conceive long before ovulation.

As my doctor said once, "Ah, I remember reading about a woman in New Zealand, two years ago, who conceived five days before ovulation."

I raised my hand and chirped, "Well, you can add me to that list!"

Although we could not imagine how large our family would become, the words of that article resonated within both my husband and I. Guilt lifted off us and a surge of excitement, a sense of purpose welled up from within. Although it took time to really believe that none of our children were simply a failure of the natural family planning method. Many small experiences kept reinforcing the truth the for us that God called each of our children into being with our co-operation. We'd stumbled blindly at times and then a burst of clarity would shine light on our purpose.

For example, twenty-five years ago, I once again slipped into panic mode, worrying if I was pregnant with my fifth child. Suddenly a wave of peace enveloped me and my whole body relaxed.

I heard these words within me,
"This is your call. This is your vocation. This is your witness to the world."
All sorts of objections rushed into my head,
" What on earth do you mean a witness, a witness to what?- stupidityy? People don't understand. They just think we are irresponsible or idiots......"
Then unexpected joy bubbled within me and I sensed these words in my spirit, "I am with you."
Once again a blanket of peace wrapped like a blanket around me. It was an actual physical sensation and I was at peace, my mind calm and my spirit felt strong.
That was it for me; I understood and I said "yes".
Though I still cringed under disapproval from society, I always understood that my children were saving me by compelling me to dive deeper into my spirit. They challenged me to dig deeper, discovering the power of eternal Love at my very core. A love that can stand strong against all opposition

This Canadian Loved Obama's Speech.

Obama's speeches are a bright light shining from the States.

I am an outsider, a Canadian, who rarely watches T.V. but perhaps this gives me a fresh perspective on Obama's speech.

I usually write in the family section but I disagreed so strongly with a recent post on the American President that I took a stab at writing a political article.

A post, written by 'Susan', expressed her angry reaction to a speech given by the American President when he was in Roanoke in July. She was upset because her family had struggled and suffered great hardships to build a business, without any outside help. Obama's words seemed to belittle their efforts.The following is the speech given by President Obama in Roanoke this July.

"There are a lot of wealthy, successful Americans who agree with me -- because they want to give something back. They know they didn't -- look, if you've been successful, you didn't get there on your own. You didn't get there on your own. I'm always struck by people who think, well, it must be because I was just so smart. There are a lot of smart people out there. It must be because I worked harder than everybody else. Let me tell you something -- there are a whole bunch of hardworking people out there.

If you were successful, somebody along the line gave you some help. There was a great teacher somewhere in your life. Somebody helped to create this unbelievable American system that we have that allowed you to thrive. Somebody invested in roads and bridges. If you've got a business -- you didn't build that. Somebody else made that happen. The Internet didn't get invented on its own. Government research created the Internet so that all the companies could make money off the Internet.
The point is, is that when we succeed, we succeed because of our individual initiative, but also because we do things together. There are some things, just like fighting fires, we don't do on our own. I mean, imagine if everybody had their own fire service. That would be a hard way to organize fighting fires.
So we say to ourselves, ever since the founding of this country, you know what, there are some things we do better together. That's how we funded the G.I. Bill. That's how we created the middle class. That's how we built the Golden Gate Bridge or the Hoover Dam. That's how we invented the Internet. That's how we sent a man to the moon. We rise or fall together as one nation and as one people, and that's the reason I'm running for President -- because I still believe in that idea. You are not on your own, we're in this together."

A commentator asked what I thought about this speech, as a mother of a large family, who has worked hard with her husband, to provide for our family. She expected Obama's "attack" on hard-working citizens would upset me. I wasn't upset in the least. It seems to me that many American are quick to take offense and even quicker to attack verbally, often taking quotes out of context.

Now I don't understand all of Obama's policies or his whole agenda but I do know that he strikes me as an intelligent, knowledgeable man who is honestly trying to improve his country. The American system is a strangely adversarial, as other opposing politicians only seem interested in thwarting their president not serving their country. I am an outsider, a Canadian, who rarely watches T.V. but perhaps this gives me a fresh perspective on this typical speech by Obama.

I liked it.

Why?

In my opinion, Obama was not attacking small business people who work hard, seemingly without help. He was talking about something completely different from "Susan". I commiserate with "Susan's" pain because we also have struggled against financial difficulties and faced oppressive forces that seemed bent to destroy us. We felt alone, isolated

However, on a different level, I know that the past generation's ceiling is my floor. I was not forced to "reinvent the wheel " but rather I benefited from the knowledge and practical experience of my fore fathers. Our family is especially grateful to those who fought for freedom and democracy. Our lives would have been very different if we had lived in a communist country.

THAT is what your president was trying to say.

THAT is what he meant.

We are not island unto ourselves, we are a community. Every one's actions and even thoughts, attitudes and emotions affect those around them and even reverberate throughout the larger community.

In Obama's words,"You are not on your own, we're in this together."

Want To Be Happy?: Take off your dung coloured glasses!

 

A child looks at everything with delight.

I received free cognitive therapy because I was surrounded by a crew of little people who greeted each morning with wonder and awe.

The fleeting dream that eludes many of us is happiness. We are running around, miserable in our insular little worlds, only catching glimpses of the world around us through dung coloured glasses.The solution to our dilemma is easy. Stop. Take off our mud coloured lenses. Look. Appreciate. A therapist would charge you hundreds of dollars to teach you how to do this, calling this method cognitive therapy. I will give you this key to happiness for free.
I heard of a fellow who hated his job.Unable to find another position, he finally decided to do something to change his apathy. After dragging himself home every night after work, rather staring at the T.V. all evening, he sat in front of his computer to write. His challenge? To find one thing that he was grateful for that day and write that discovery in a new blog. His posts connected with others and soon he had a huge following. At the request of a publisher, he is now writing a book.
I discovered the same secret after years of mothering my tiny children. They taught me to take my eyes off my exhaustion and to take delight in the plethora of tiny details all around me. Little kids are born with a sense of wonder and the ability to enjoy little things. My daughter's retain an appreciation for detail; they all remember the little things.

A friend of mine once asked Rachel, when she was about six, what she liked most about Christmas. She replied immediately,
"The pineapple."

My daughter's answer astounded Martha. Similarly, one evening before dinner Emily, now a young adult, said,

"I always remember the fresh smell of clean sheets every week."

Such a small thing, yet a child, with a heart full of gratitude, takes great pleasure from it.

A few months back, Katie was recounting how pleased she was with a plant in her garden. Realizing that she was enjoying such a small thing she laughed,

"Oh my god, I sound just like Mum."

Another daughter and her husband of three months celebrated their marriage with a huge wedding reception for two hundred people. Mara had planned every detail from the match covers to the large buffet. Most of all, she poured her creative spirit into making all the decorations by hand with sisters and friends. The reception room, with black backdrops was stunning. From green wheat grass in planters, tissue paper flowers in greens and plum to spray painted Hydrangea blooms in purple, sliver, black and lime green, the room looked professionally decorated.
The things that raise my spirits are usually small and most people would not consider them significant. For example, one Christmas I was very tired and only one gift brought me genuine joy. It was hand crocheted dish clothes from my friend Cathy. ..dish clothes, beautifully made, colourful, something I used a hundred times a day.

Perhaps this is one of the blessings of a large family; free cognitive therapy from a crew of little people who greeted each morning with wonder and awe.

Pre-Natal Memories

Do you remember when you were in mummy's tummy?

A young child, who knows enough words to communicate can describe their life in the womb

The day Melissa turned two, her godmother dropped by to celebrate her birthday. Since Melissa was very articulate for her age, her godmother wanted to try an experiment she had about read in a hospital newsletter. The article stated that if you asked a young child, when they knew enough words to communicate but before they were too old, they could tell you about their life in the womb. So we decided to test this premise.
Melissa was very tiny but smart, so she startled people with her clear diction and large vocabulary. This particular day she was standing on a chair behind the kitchen table, playing with a new doll. During the conversation she answered mainly with one word sentences because most of her attention was on her toy.
I felt a bit foolish as I asked my daughter, " Melissa, do you remember when you were in mummy's tummy?
She answered, "yaaa."
So then I wondered if she remembered any details, "What was it like?"
Again Melissa could only spare a one word answer,"Warm."
"What else was it like?" I questioned.
To which Melissa answered quite succinctly, "Dark."
"What could you see?", I probed.Melissa was frustrated by my dumb question, " Nothin; it was dark!"
So I scrambled, "What did you do in my tummy?"
Melissa said nonchalantly, "dwimming."
I checked to make sure I understood her, "Swimming?"
Melissa nodded.
"Did you like living in my tummy?", I wondered.
Melissa nodded again.
Then I thought of a really good question, "Do you remember coming out, being born?"
Melissa scrunched up her nose and sighed, "yaaa."
"What was it like?"
Melissa stopped playing, looked up and said in disgust, "Like a B.M.!!!"(a bowel movement).
That answer shocked me into silence. I looked over at my sister-in-law.
She raised her eyebrows and said one word, "Wow."

Let's Play Tag

Look out. You might be tagged next!
I am starting my hit list because -
I was just tagged by coffeepoweredmom
  http://coffeepoweredmom.wordpress.com/
The rules for playing blog tag are….

• You must post the rules
• Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post
• Create eleven new questions to ask the people you’ve tagged (or use the existing ones)
• Tag (eleven) people with a link to your post
• Let them know they’ve been tagged

Now I must answer  coffeepoweredmom's questions

I’m not big on having regrets. What was your biggest regret and why do you think that it helped you to get where you are today? After all, if you had changed it, something else about you would have changed.


My biggest regret is that I have taken so long to smarten up and shake off an inherited victim identity. Most women have it. I can finally, for minutes at a time, live in the light and receive a joy that is incredibly infectious to everyone around me.  Because this process has taken so long, I treasure freedom and joy.
Also it took me a long time to start writing again, although I am still not drawing and painting. This long lapse has helped me because I  still have hundreds of things to write about that are stuffed inside. Also time gave me  perspective and insight into the most insignificant events.

Where is your favourite place to be?

In my garden or in the library reading of typing.

How much money do you spend on groceries every month?

We still have meat in our freezers from our hobby farm but less than $400.00 per month because all my adult children contribute to the meals when they come out.

Is there an errand that you hate running with a particular vengeance?

I hate all errands that is why I still don't drive. I hate shopping. My husband shops, I clean and cook.

Have you ever had surgery? And for what?

No, except my tonsils. I am very healthy.

What day is garbage day?

No day is arbage day. We have to drive our garbage to the dump.

Are your parents married? Divorced? Married to other people?

My parents are very happily married for 58 years and counting. They stuck by each other through difficult times and are reaping the rewards now.

Fill in the blanks. I think people are _______when they ___________.

I think people are ignorant when they dismiss an opinion, person or the chance to experience something new without at least attempting to talk, listen and learn about something it.

Do you have a recurring dream? About what?

One scene springs to mind immediately.An empy city with flat-topped, rectangular, warm sandy coloured buildings. There are no windows or doors in the buildings, and I'm wandering up and down the streets, completely alone.

Have you started your Christmas (or other winter holiday) shopping?

Are you kidding me? No I subscribe to the chaos and panic method of preparing for Christmas.

Do you have a particular trait, characteristic, etc. that you do NOT want to pass on to your kids?

How long should I make this list? My husband and I have conciously confronted each inherited ,generational curse and sin and said, "the 'buck' stops here. You are not touching my kids." We are still dealing with negative stuff as if surfaces but my kids are much stronger and freer than we ever were at their age. Hence my saying "MY CEILING IS MY CHILDREN'S FLOOR."



Now is the FUN part of this exercise. I make up 11 of my own questions.

Now is the FUN part of this exercise. I make up 11 of my own questions

1.Explain the title of your blog. Why did you choose it?

2. Why do you write?

3. What is your greatest fear?

4.  What makes you smile or laugh out loud

5.  What’s your worst habit, and what are you doing to change it?

6. What do you think about God, eternity and/or prayer?

7.  What makes you sad (or mad) enough to cry

8.  Describe the most embarrassing thing you have ever done or said?

9.  Do you have any hopes or dreams?
10.  What did you want to be when you grew up?

11  Do you hate me for tagging you? 


The 11 bloggers I tagged-

Emily at Coffee and Spell Check http://coffeeandspellcheck.wordpress.com/

Hollin Scott published author and blogger http://hollinscott.com/

AngieA http://angiealaniz.com/TonyB  My Fried Eggs Blog  http://friedeggs.com/tonyberkman

Theresa111 "Sleeping Kitten - Dancing Dog!" http://skdd.wordpress.com

Robert Rocshel   mulledvine http://mulledvine.com

 helenafortissima   http://www.channelinghippocrates.com/

 rumpunchdrunk http://rumpunchdrunk.blogspot.ca/

nothingprofound   http://mydailyaphorism.blogspot.ca/

AnastasiaFB Anna the Imp http://anatheimp.blogspot.ca/

AnnieOffLeash http://www.annieboreson.com/

To the Four-Year-Old Gagging on Overcooked Brussel sprouts

 Vegetables are good for you right?

The Canadian Food Guide tells us to eat a huge amount of fruit and veggies, something like 5-10 servings a day.

 Tell that to the four year old gagging on overcooked Brussels sprouts.

At least we're not in the 1950's anymore; I remember sitting at the table and trying to shudder down cooked carrots.

 Now we know how to stir fry veggies so they are still crunchy but hot and the sauces they make now!!! The bought sauces often have too much sugar and salt but a little dab can entice reluctant taste buds.

Another secret is to grate cheese on hot food. It will make any vegetable palatable to even the most picky eater. Even thirty years ago we put peanut butter on celery with raisins and called it ants on a log and cut up raw vegetables to dip in salad dressing.

It was my adult children who demonstrated how to grate carrot or zucchini into everything from cake, soup to spaghetti sauce with no one being the wiser; any meal can be served on hot but crunchy bean sprouts or spinach. It's actually fun to create new ways to sneak extra vegetables into other meals.

 There are two facts that kept me sane in my early years as a little kid's chef

1. Something new has to be offered at least three times before it is trusted by cautious eaters. (My rule is that you must try at least a nibble.)

2. When toddlers are offered a whole table of different healthy food, they will instinctively eat a balanced diet. Now it might be 11 bananas on one day and mainly milk the next but after thirty day,  it will be a perfectly balanced diet! So relax moms; just exercise a few tricks without resorting to pressure tactics and add a huge dollop of humour.

 Oh I almost forgot. Kids love to grow their own vegetables, pick and wash them and eat them right outside. Freshly picked carrots taste like candy and even toddlers will walk over to pull a carrot for a snack.

Important mantra to repeat in the midst of a raging battle,

"THIS TOO WILL PASS!!!"

Actually, don't bother fighting; little people just dig in their heels. Get them to taste a nibble SMOTHERED IN DIP and then let them eat a healthy alternative. Food digests better when everyone is calm. Beside, kids do have more sensitive taste bus than we do.

I STILL remember those overcooked Lima beans that great aunt Maisie forced my sister and I to eat BEFORE we were allowed a sip of milk!!! That was almost 50 years ago!

There Is More Than One Way To Win A War

This post describes the war my family has waged against vegetable lovers such as muskrats,groundhogs, rabbits, raccoons and deer, bears and mice.

The      Our garden enemies  are sneaky and tenacious; focused on a single goal- to eat and store as much of our fresh produce as possible. Sometimes they will climb inconceivable obstacles to reach our garden.

For For example, one year our carrots were disappearing at an alarming rate. Every morning there were a few neat, long holes left in the clay soil where our carrots had been. They were disappearing without a trace. Finally we began to notice that there was a long worn down pathway from our back vegetable patch, over the front yard, across the road, through the neighbour’s property, down the hill and right to the bank of the creek. This long trail was becoming more trampled down each night. My husband and elderly neighbour finally solved the mystery.

 The creek had flooded a few weeks before and probably washed out the resident muskrat's buried winter supplies.

This particular muskrat was replenishing his storehouse with our carrots. We decided to share SOME of them with him. Since he was intent on stealing the entire crop, we quickly pulled almost all the carrots, even though they would have stayed fresher in the ground. The muskrats were never as desperate again and therefore never as much of a problem again but the groundhogs were constant pests

Groundhogs are voracious eaters for their size. They can devour an entire zucchini plant, vines, leaves and vegetables before we can get out of bed.( The operative word in their name is 'hog'.) Our war plan was to assign the early risers to patrol duty, making as little noise as possible.


The kids made a real game out of this spying mission. They would tip -toe through the house, peer out the windows , tip- toe back to shake Michael awake, while one of the older kids would silently raise one of the windows and prop it open in preparation for Dad's gun.


 (Wild pest lovers, read no further, please!!!) Michael shot thirty-one FAT groundhogs one year. After a fifteen year battle, the groundhog population seemed to decline. A trapper told us that a fisher (a fierce predator) had move in across the road and now we hardly ever see a groundhog.

expect our Our wonderful guard dog managed to keep the next group of veggie lovers away- raccoons and deer. Although deer can usually snack on apples at night from the apple trees that are at the far end of our acreage without alerting the dog, the raccoons can't resist corn near the house.

 Raccoons are not subtle.  They rip and tear their way through a patch of corn, bringing six foot corn stalks down. They make a terrible sound as well, a cross between a cat screeching and a baby crying. Needless to say, this racket wakes up our dog , who in turn wakes up the entire household while he is still inside AND while he is outside because he is acting like a tough guard dog.

A couple of years ago, black bears were a problem. When one such bear found our sweet corn, he was so happy, he rolled around, flattening a huge area before he settled down to eat the prized corncobs. I don't have to tell you that we left that massive vegetable lover alone. The dumb dog could smell the bear while he was in the house and he wouldn't stop barking but he did not have a clue what he would be facing if we had let him out.

Needless to say we loved our dog more than the corn, so he stayed inside

. In   In contrast to the huge black bear, mice and chipmunks might be little but a little nibble out of a tomato or a strawberry will rot the whole fruit.

Our cats do their best to keep the mice population down but the half rotted vegetables taste like fine dining to the pigs so at least all the spoiled food doesn't go to waste.

We finally realized that the secret to the war of the vegetables is to plant almost twice as many vegetables as we need.

We plant 75 foot rows of veggies-
Some for us
Some for the vegetable lovers

ome for our farm animals (who also like weeds, thank God)  

Some to either barter with or give away to our generous friends and relatives.

There is more than one way to win a war.

Revised-WOW= Words Of Wisdom

My youngest daughter coined this phrase and kept a W.O.W. journal for a few months. A friend joined her as they listened for words and phrases that snagged their attention. Well I have a bunch too. Some phrases are funny, others wise and some could just possibly change your life.

                               



                                                                                               

                                                                                           

A Most Comical, Engaging, Pet.

Shadow was a slobbery, drooling dog, a big black lab mix with overgrown feet and an overgrown personality.

An integral part of my children's lives for 13 years. he was the most quirky, amusing and utterly annoying pet we have ever owned. I can only list of his odd and utterly hilarious behaviour because it would take a n entire chapter in a book to really flesh out his exploits.

1. Shadow grew up with cats.

 They could cuddle up beside him or lay on top of him and he barely raised an eyebrow. He tossed mice and fish around like a cat and sometimes he played more like a cat than a dog.

2. Shadow could not stand to be left out of any activity.

 Thus the name SHADOW. 

For example, every week, we collected day old bread, distributed to families in need and of course fed our own family. Any extra went to the pigs. This jealous dog would  dash in to the pigs' feeding trough, grab a bun or long french loaf and dart away as the pigs charged after him. In a perfect doggy manner, he would bury the stolen treasure. Then Shadow would sit, with his back to his stash and guard it. The funniest scene would be in the winter when the french loaf was only half buried, Shadow seemed confident that his bread was invisible. He sat and pretended that he was innocently looking around and enjoying the scenery and not guarding illegal, stolen goods. This little act never failed to make us laugh and shake our heads.

3.Although Shadow had webbed feet and loved to swim, he was reluctant to get wet.

 The only way to persuade him to swim in the lake and cool off was to cast a bobber with a fishing rod and reel it in as fast as possible. At least once every 20 casts, Shadow would manage to snap up the fishing bobber. It was Hilarius because he would keep diving in after that stupid bobber till he was ready to drop.

4. Our dog's curiosity caused Many Mishaps

One night when a porcupine shot 30-40 quills into his face and nose, Shadow could only sleep with his face hanging over the top step in the hall. It took HOURS of patiently sneaking up while he dozed and pulling the quills out ONE AT A TIME. We tried to restrain this monstrous beast numerous times but he always shook us off .

5.Then there were the few times, a skunk sprayed him at close range and he rolled the stench into the kitchen floor. Have you ever smelled fresh, Strong, skunk spray? Our eyes teared, heads ached and our lungs burned. The entire house REEKED for days after!!! I even tried washing the floor and Shadow with tomato juice. What did work was liquid Tide.

6.Shadow hated thunder storms.

If he was alone in the house he would jump through  glass windows and doors or scratch frantically at screen windows or doors smashing, ripping, and destroying wood, frames, what ever prevented him from escaping.

In 13 years this rampage happened TOO many times and after every incident, Michael would yell

"That's it!! This dog has to go!!"

Our older "kids" would shake their heads, smile and say,

"Dad, really, Shadow is part of the family and you just can't get rid of family no matter how poorly they act."

Michael, would then glare at the miscreant, and demand,

" Go lay down, you bad dog."

Suitably chastised, Shadow would slink away and keep a low profile for a few days.

7. This dog snuck up and snatched what ever the kids were picking from the garden and eat it- corn on the cob, green beans, strawberries, raspberries.... He could not STAND to be excluded.

8. Shadow loved to sleep on beds and couches .

I really do not think he realized that he was not a lap dog! The trouble was when he tried to hop up on the furniture to cuddle, he would inadvertently dislodge people, almost pushing them off the couch. When ordered OFF the furniture, he would slink away with the most pitiful look on his face till one of us laid down beside him on the floor. Then he was content.

9. It was a mad dash to open the car door and slam it quickly before Shadow could jump in for a ride. He REALLY liked car rides.

10. Shadow wasn't a great guard dog, even though he barked loudly enough at every tiny mammal  but our resident fox, literally "out foxed" him When Michael spotted our friendly, chicken eating fox trotting towards the barn, he called for his faithful dog. Rather then chase the fox, our dog started running circles around the garage  with his nose right to the ground.  The fox had laid a false trail for Shadow!!

Michael yelled at the dog again, 

"Shadow, the fox ran over there."

Shadow looked up, tore across the yard, dove into the bushes, did a u-turn, ran up the hill  to the barn down again, then raced after the fox. If this dog had used his eyes instead of his nose, he would have headed straight into the corn.That clever fox hadn't even been frightened nor in a  terrible hurry as he laid his scent down because he knew exactly how to fool a dog.

11. Whenever Shadow caught a glimpse of the gun we were forced to use sometimes to scare away predators, Shadow became excited, agitated and LOUD. The boys  needed their wits to sneak out of the house while other siblings distracted our great hunting dog. It was always very dramatic.

When I asked my family for Shadow stories, everyone laughed with warm and humour as they remembered their beloved pet. In spite of his annoying habits he WAS a member of our family.

Socks

 The only thing that will kill you as a mother of  a large family is pairing socks.

There are solutions.

I remember a crazy campfire song, that is usually sung in rounds.

 "Black socks, they never get dirty;

the longer you wear them, the blacker they get.

Some times, I think I should wash them

but something keeps telling me
oh,  not yet, not yet, not yet"

I did not seriously consider this option, though. After ONE day stuck inside an active child's running shoe, socks NEED to be washed.Oh well, sometimes I did four loads a day and socks really didn't take up that much room.

Still socks disappeared into mountains of laundry and I could never find them all.
Socks need to be PAIRED!!!
Or do they?
That was the brilliant, out of the box sort of question I asked myself one day.

New solution

Buy LOTS of black socks in every size,throw them in a basket

and hope for the best
.
That was the plan.

I decided to simply toss them into a wicker basket with a three-foot circumference and a height of two and a half feet..
I must ad
BUT little girls don't like black socks. They like pink socks. To make matters worse my mother bought cute socks with frills and bows and patterns that the girls really needed and loved.
 NONE of them were the same!

So although I used the toss and throw method of pairing, some mornings found us frantically searching for some semblance of a pair but it made life exciting.

WHAT? You want to Shave Your Head and Pierce Your Ears?!?

Some people use this quote, “choose your battles” to express the idea that when dealing with a potential confrontation with your child, it is a good idea to step back and ask,

“Does it REALLY matter? Does this disagreement really have to do with morality, commonsense or responsibility or is it simply a matter of taste, choice or opinion?”

About 90% of the time, I had to admit that some disagreements were not worth fighting over and as the most mature person in the equation, I should probably acquiesce as gracefully as possible.

For me, this was a ‘very hard pill to swallow’ as the saying goes. It went completely against my perfectionist nature.  The examples I could give are countless but I’ll recount a  couple of the most amusing.

 A good friend, who was a slightly younger and a more cool mother than I was, offered to shave my two oldest boys’ heads.

My two boys really wanted to try this new style. David was especially jumping up and down.

Carol laughed , as she looked at the expression on my face,

” Oh come on Melanie, it’s only hair. It will grow back!”

To me, that hair style looked rough, like an army kid would wear but we didn’t have a lot of money and this was a cool, free haircut that would last a looong time. Carol  actually carried her shaving kit with her, so it was easy to let go of my prejudices. The buzzed heads delighted my two boys and I had to admit, it WAS easier to wash their heads.

I let Melissa go on her first trip alone with Carol’s family when they returned to Toronto a couple of days ahead of the rest of our family. The next day another Carol induced crisis popped up when Melissa phoned, excitement bubbling in the tone of her voice,

“Mummy, guess what? Carol said she would pay to get my ears pierced and for the earrings. PLeeeease say yes, pretty pleeease!!!”

I wanted to wait until she was when she was sixteen but you know what? It wasn’t corrupting her morals or injuring her health and it was something free and the earrings would make her feel pretty EVERY day. So I gave in. Of course five-year old Mara saw her sister and cried,

“Melissa got her ears pierced??!!”

I had to let Mara get her ears pierced as well. This decision turned out to be a good one because the girls kept the same little studs in for years and were completely satisfied for years.  Those little studs made them feel like they fit in with the other girls.

The House That Kids Built

Picture This scene.

Five year old Anthony is leaping off the fourth stair wearing his black cape, a purple Batman sweatshirt and his 'Mountie' hat. Three year old Lucy carries a huge, old purse stuffed with cut pieces of paper and fake money and she is trailing behind seven year old Katie who is trying to make a scrapbook.

Rachel is in the same living room playing "Magic School Bus" on the computer and Emily is upstairs changing her clothes again. Dave and Matt are building a lego plane across the hall in the family room but eighteen year old Matt is the brains behind the construction.

Mara is on the phone and Melissa is listening to music that is way too loud while leaning over the upstairs railing and complaining about life.

Michael is tending the animals.

 And me?

Why I am putting in the fourth load of laundry that day and planning a folding marathon where I sort laundry and literally toss each kid their own clothes to fold

Guess what?

 I learned to be happy in the chaos. I don't have a living room , I have work and play areas. A table in the living room is covered in a 1,000 piece puzzle that people stop to work on on for a few minutes and the coffee table is Katie's craft station.

 There are goldfish on my too small counter, a huge dog who trips anyone walking through the main door and a cat who thinks she owns the most comfortable chair in the house. I warn you, do not try to move the queen! Sometimes a caged hamster or guinea pig squeaks for attention EVERY time the fridge door opens!

My kitchen walls, fridge and cupboards are covered with all kinds of art and scribble art and I have too many indoor plants.

One day my father-in-law tripped over our dog (who did not move, by the way) and he gruffly asked me,

"What is that dog doing in the house? He should live outside."

I laughed and said,

"Welcome to OUR home. We love kids, animals, plants and even y. Just come on in!"

A child is like a magnifying glass

The phone, which was on the kitchen wall, rang after school. Surprisingly, it was for eight year old Melissa, our second child.

My kids didn't actually start a social life after school for another couple of years but this was a crisis.

Angela, the reigning, self proclaimed princess of the grade two class at St. Thomas, had treated poor Audrey terribly all day and she was crying over the phone.

Melissa was sympathetic but did not indulge Audrey's self-pity. She caught Audrey's attention and then said, quite firmly,
"Audrey, how Angela treated you today has NOTHING to do with you; Angela was having a bad day and she took it out on you!


Melissa's wisdom astonished me. I couldn't remember explaining this human tendency to her; she must have learned this information just by being part of our family.

Children learn not by just words and actions but by osmosis. The atmosphere or the "vibe" that fills our homes forms our children, be it loving and accepting or critical and condemning.

A child is like a magnifying glass pointing out our faults, good points and even our unconscious through their words and actions.